[Alvy Singer does a stand-up comic act for a college audience] Alvy Singer: I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my ...
Alvy Singer: My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
Alvy Singer: I think, I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life. Pam: Who said that? Alvy Singer: It may have been Leopold and Loeb.
Annie Hall: So you wanna go into the movie or what? Alvy Singer: No, I can't go into a movie that's already started, because I'm anal. Annie Hall: That's a polite word for what you are.
[after Annie parks the car] Alvy Singer: Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here.
Alvy Singer: I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.
Alvy Singer: Sylvia Plath - interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.
[Alvy questions an old man on the street about his sex life] Alvy Singer: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana? Old man on street: We use a large vibrating egg. Alvy Singer: [walking away] Wel...
Alvy Singer: In 1942 I had already discovered women. [Young Alvy kisses girl in school] Alvy's Classmate: Yecch. He kissed me, he kissed me. Yecch. Miss Reed: That's the second time this month. Step up here. Alvy at 9: What'd I do? Miss Reed: Step up...
Alvy Singer: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for "Dysentery." Robin: "Commentary." Alvy Singer: Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery."
Annie Hall: La-di-da, la-di-da, la la.
Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on ...
[a guest is calling his meditation guru] Party guest: Hey, Mr. Davis, I forgot my mantra.
[Alvy is having sex with Annie] Alvy Singer: Hey, is something wrong? Annie Hall: No, why? Alvy Singer: I don't know. It's like you're removed. [a ghost of Annie rises from herself, and sits in a chair to watch] Annie Hall: No, I'm fine. Alvy Singer:...
Alvy Singer: Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side.
Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience. Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you. Pam: I mean that as a compliment.
[Alvy is asked to try cocaine] Alvy Singer: I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane... Annie Hall: You never want to try anything new, Alvy. Alvy Singer: How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that yo...
Robin: There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell. Alvy Singer: Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.
