Lester Burnham: Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die.
Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this bag was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minute...
[at the dinner table] Carolyn Burnham: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey? Lester Burnham: Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackma...
[Lester has just caught Caroline cheating with the Real Estate King] Carolyn Burnham: Uh, Buddy, this is my... Lester Burnham: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.
Catering Boss: I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here. Ricky Fitts: Fine. So don't pay me. Catering Boss: Excuse me? Ricky Fitts: I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone. Catering Boss: ...asshole. Lester Bur...
Lester Burnham: [narrating] It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.
Angela Hayes: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly! Ricky Fitts: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.
Lester Burnham: My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.
Carolyn Burnham: Uh, whose car is that out front? Lester Burnham: Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!
Carolyn Burnham: What are you doing? Lester Burnham: Nothing. Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating! Lester Burnham: I was not. Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were! Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was chokin...
Angela Hayes: I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.
Lester Burnham: Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
Lester Burnham: How's Jane? Angela Hayes: What do you mean? Lester Burnham: I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it. Angela Hayes: She's... she's really happy. ...
Lester Burnham: It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.
Carolyn Burnham: Are you trying to look unattractive? Jane Burnham: Yes. Carolyn Burnham: Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.
Mr. Smiley's Counter Girl: Whoa! You are so busted. Carolyn Burnham: You know, this really doesn't concern you. Lester Burnham: Well, actually, Janine is Senior Drive-thru Manager so you are on her turf.
Brad Dupree: Got a minute? Lester Burnham: [Phony, overly polite voice] For you, Brad, I've got five!
