I suffer from tennis elbow. It’s an old masturbating injury from when I was training to go into politics.
For me, TV and broke go together. Not as in, The TV is broken, but more of noticing that most people who watch too much TV are broke.
If you’re tired of taking one step forward and two steps back, just turn around. That way you’ll be going forward in reverse.
People always see me writing and ask me if they can read my writing. The answer is yes, after I publish it and they pay for it.
There’s just something unsettling about studying your reflection. It’s not a matter of being dissatisfied with your face or of being embarrassed by your vanity. Maybe it’s that when you gaze into your own eyes, you don’t see what you wish to ...
People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple. I have brains, heart, courage, and most importantly, I have ruby red slippers.
It's funny, ma'am, how sometimes you're so sarcastic but it doesn't sting." "Because of my dimples. Dimples are a get-out-of-jail-free card
Despite being tired, I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes having a functioning penis can be a real drag (especially if it always dangles along the ground as I walk).
Are you OK with pissing people off to succeed? Because that’s what will happen. Success pisses off the unsuccessful.
...he was forty bushels beyond bamboozled.
, St. Augustine said. It is solved by walking.
One day I want to be so wealthy I can say to my wife, “let’s take a drive—to the end of our driveway and back” and have that be a two-hour round trip.
Most writers might as well write in invisible ink, because if what they’re writing is forgettable, it might as well be invisible too.
The unread story is not a story; it is little black marks on wood pulp. The reader, reading it, makes it live: a live thing, a story.
After all I've done for you' has alienated more children from their parents than any act of parent cruelty.
Time and talents are the most expensive gifts God gave to us at no cost. However, they are the main things that are easily abused. To abuse something time and talents is to take them for granted and not appreciate their values.
Don’t be too quick to accept every direction from friends. Watch closely what your hear before your apply.
Positive people know what they are about to do and why. Because of this, when they are being haunted by the premature quest to give up, they focus their minds onto the joy of accomplishing their pursuits.
Grow taller than your failures; never give up. People who are content with where they are will never be passionate about making greater accomplishments in their lives.
Man’s mind is a coast of great monuments, the source of wild and complex dreams and accomplishments that physical eyes have not seen.
Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.
