The best part about having kids is not actually having to have kids. Thank you, women.
I’m not exactly sympathetic, but I do have a big heart. I have to, to be able to pump all the blood required to operate my massive penis.
I prefer physical books to eBooks, because an eBook can’t be the solution to a wobbly chair like a real book can.
I am quite possibly the world's bravest coward. I have never backed down from backing down from a fight.
Of all the things God created, from sunrises and rainbows, to black holes and humor, cats are the most fascinating to me.
When people change, I’m disappointed they’re not who I remember them being. And when people don’t change, I’m disappointed they still are who they were. All people do is disappoint, and I do mean all people.
Revolutionary moments often seem to occur in history when large numbers of individuals have a change in consciousness, regarding themselves and their status
I bought an oxygen tank, because with the global population at over seven billion people and rising, what if the world were to suddenly run out of air? And while the people will be suffocating, I’ll be the only guy prepared to pillage and loot.
...his lazy eye drifting around the room like a child looking for the bathroom.
Mercy is stronger than your sword.
When describing the University of Virginia: Here, We are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.
If you want a man who's commited, go look in a mental hospital.
A very disturbing feature of overconfidence is that it often appears to be poorly associated with knowledge - that is, the more ignorant the individual, the more confident he or she might be.
War is fought over futile and feudal things. War is not about ideology, no matter how artfully framed, but it’s simply about power and money and control.
The leader must have both – the courage to take the people to a daring destination and the humility to selflessly serve others on the journey.
If you’re living in the present...you only have to deal with what’s actually going on in that moment.
If your creation is taking 99% perspiration, it stinks and you need more inspiration.
The necessary unlikeness between the creator and the created holds within it the equally necessary likeness of the thing made to him who makes it, and so of the work of the made to the work of the maker... The imagination of man is made in the image ...
My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father’s father.
The bad news is the butcher’s dead. The good news is there’ll be no need for a funeral, and I’ve got enough meat to last for weeks.
Nearly all of the men I admire are dead, because admiration is fueled by mystery. And what's more mysterious than death? Nothing. Well, besides women, of course.
