Funny Quotes

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Lenny Bruce

Communism is like one big phone company.

Lenny Bruce

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Lewis Black

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

Lewis Black

Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.

Lewis Black

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'

Lewis Black

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny.

Lewis Black

When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.

Lewis Black

I am funny. No one else thinks I am funny. But I am funny.

Lorraine Bracco

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

Lucille Ball

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

Lucille Ball

I always remember loving 'Even Stevens' - that show was so brilliant and funny and smart.

Luke Benward

I really like 'Passion of the Christ.' I like that movie. I also like 'We Were Soldiers,' and 'Braveheart.' And 'Napoleon Dynamite' - that movie was funny.

Luke Benward

You get weird, funny requests on Twitter. With our fan club, I was seeing a lot of fans were having some issue with the way the fan club tickets were being handled in one of the shows. So I was able to correspond with that fan, and be like, 'Listen, ...

Luke Bryan

I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up.

Lynda Barry

It's not hard for me to be funny in front of people, but most of that is just horrified nerves taking the form of what makes people laugh, and afterwards I'd always feel dreadfully depressed, kind of self-induced bi-polar disorder.

Lynda Barry

I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.

Lynda Barry

My strips are not always funny, and they can be pretty grim at times, and I know I lose readers because of it, but I can't do anything about it - my work is very much connected to something I need to do in order to feel stable.

Lynda Barry

It was a scandal when I did French 'Playboy' in 2008, though I was never actually nude in it. I think it's really funny that I'll have a cover of 'Playboy' to show my grandkids.

Lily Cole

The funny thing about writing is I think a lot of people assume that you're sitting in a garret with a quill pen for hour after hour.

Lincoln Child

I remember when I took the role on E.R., I thought, 'I haven't really been able to play a working class woman. I've played girls, I've played funny, but I haven't played a working class woman. That sounds like something I'd like to do.'

Linda Cardellini