[changing his baby son's diaper] Police Chief Aiello: Hey, hey, let Papa change you. Come on, everything will be swell. Come on, come on, come on... [removes the diaper] Police Chief Aiello: What the fuck is this? What is this? Huh? What's that? LOOK...
Ulysses Everett McGill: Say, uh, Cousin Wash, I suppose it'd be the acme of foolishness to inquire if you had a hair net. Washington Hogwallop: Got a bunch in yon bureau, Mrs. Hogwallop's as a matter of fact [sniff] Washington Hogwallop: . Help y'sel...
[Grandma Sarah notices that Lone Watie has painted his face] Grandma Sarah: What's all that paint about? Lone Watie: It's my death face. Grandma Sarah: You know, we're sure gonna show them redskins somethin' tomorrow. No offense meant. Lone Watie: No...
Dr. Zaius: You are right, I have always known about man. From the evidence, I believe his wisdom must walk hand and hand with his idiocy. His emotions must rule his brain. He must be a warlike creature who gives battle to everything around him, even ...
George Taylor: [to Nova] Did I tell you about Stewart? Now there was a lovely girl. George Taylor: The most precious cargo we'd brought along, she was... to be the new Eve. George Taylor: With our hot and eager help, of course. George Taylor: Probabl...
Inigo Montoya: But this is Buttercup's true love - If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding. Miracle Max: Wait. Wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers? Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore! Miracle Max: That is a noble cause. Give me t...
The King: [after a tender kiss from Buttercup] What was that for? Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me, and I'll never see you again, because I'm killing myself as soon as we reach the honeymoon suite. The King: Won't that be nice? [Po...
Count Rugen: You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. You've been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that's about the worst thing I've ever heard. [pause] Count Rugen: How marvelous.
Reverend Williams: The important thing about that freedom train, is it's got to climb mountains. We ALL have to climb mountains, you know. Mountains that go way up high, and mountains that go deep and low. Yes, we know what those mountains are here a...
[Chris Taylor takes his first hit of marijuana] Sgt. Elias: First time? Chris Taylor: Yeah. Sgt. Elias: Then the worm has definitely turned for you, man. Feel good? Chris Taylor: Yeah, it feels good. I got no pain in my neck now. Sgt. Elias: Feeling ...
Ulla: Goddag på dig! Leo Bloom: Uh, I beg your pardon? Ulla: Goddag på dig! Leo Bloom: Ah, gut da! Max, have you gone mad? A receptionist who can't speak English? What will people say? Max Bialystock: They'll say, "A wuma wa wa wa wa!"
Ahmad: Eat it now. You'll never get a chance to eat Gorme Sabzi [an Iranian food] Ahmad: in future. Unless you'll marry to a fun Iranian husband and you Fouad, an Iranian wife. Fouad: What does an Iranian woman look like? Ahmad: Like me! [Ahmad moves...
H.I.: If it's all the same to you, Honey, I think I'll skip this little get together, slip out with the boys and knock back a couple of Coca Colas. [Ed gives him a look of disapproval] H.I.: I guess that wouldn't be such a good idea. Gale: So many so...
Prison Counsellor: Most men your age Hi, are getting married and raising up a family. H.I.: Well factually, the... Prison Counsellor: They wouldn't accept prison as a substitute. Would any of you men care to comment. Gale: Well, sometimes your career...
Stanley Goodspeed: Look, I'm just a biochemist. Most of the time, I work in a little glass jar and lead a very uneventful life. I drive a Volvo, a beige one. But what I'm dealing with here is one of the most deadly substances the earth has ever known...
[Joe counts the tip and finds it is a buck short] Joe: Hey, who didn't throw in? Mr. Orange: Mr. Pink. Joe: Mr. Pink? Why not? Mr. Orange: He don't tip. Joe: He don't tip? Whaddaya mean you don't tip? Mr. Orange: He don't believe in it. Joe: Shut up!
Mr. Hennessey: In view of the fact that our Highness was taken violently ill at three o'clock this morning, put to bed with a high fever, and has ordered all her appointments for the day cancelled in toto... Joe Bradley: That's certainly pretty hard ...
James Bond: Your clock, is it correct? Russian Clerk: Always. James Bond: But of course. [he walks away, checks his watch, then comes back] James Bond: Excuse me, you did say your clock was correct? Russian Clerk: Russian clocks are always... [the hi...
Charlie: When I was a little kid and I got scared, the Rain Man would come and sing to me. Susanna: Rain what? Charlie: Oh you know, one of those imaginary childhood friends. Susanna: What happened to him? Charlie: Nothing, I just grew up. Susanna: N...
Brandon Shaw: It is a little difficult trying to keep up with your romances. After me came Kenneth, now it's David. Why the, the switch from Kenneth to David anyway? Janet Walker: Obviously I think he's nicer. Brandon Shaw: Well, he's certainly riche...
Alexander Rance: This is Mr. Rance in the bridal suite and before you proffer your phony congratulations there is no Mrs. Rance residing with me and I'm all the better for it. Now, listen carefully because I am in no mood. I'm going to say this only ...
