Hey, aren’t you that girl from the web?” the new one asked, bending to suck my earing between his teeth. I pulled my head away. “You got the wrong girl.” Mr. Hawaii pulled back to take a better look at me. “No, I think you might be.” To m...
I DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" "You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a s...
Are you threatening me?” He looked completely outraged at such a thing. “You bet your incredibly attractive and probably hard enough to bounce a quarter off ass I am!” she snapped back. An indescribable look flitted across his face. “You are ...
It quickly became apparent that to Mr. K, there was no such thing as an untalented kid—just a kid who didn’t work hard enough. You are going to fix this problem, he said when he diag- nosed whatever was wrong, and there was never any question. Of...
I tried to show him things, but he didn't seem to study what I showed him. Usually, he just put whatever I handed him in his mouth. He would try to eat anything. I fed him Tabasco sauce and he yelled. Having a little brother helped me learn to relate...
I kept thinking back to all those nights in Connecticut, when I was out the door as soon as dinner was over, yelling my plans behind me as I headed to my car, ready for my real night to begin—my time with my family just something to get through as ...
I love you,” he said. He almost yelled it. “And I know that sounds crazy. That’s what you say at the beginning of something, not when it’s almost reached its end. But – I don’t care. I just want to be with you. Maybe it’ll only be for t...
If you have not seen it, FOOTBALL is a game in which men shove one another back and forth for no reason. They do not choose how, when, or whom they shove. All that has been decided for them in advance. All they need to do is follow the orders given t...
Tragedy has a cruel way of ripping off the masks of self-sufficiency and self-satisfaction. It yells in the streets, "No! Everything is not A-okay!" It cracks apart our airtight theologies about God having everything under control. It forces us to ge...
God bless the lawn mower, he thought. Who was the fool who made January first New Year’s Day? No, they should set a man to watch the grasses across a million Illinois, Ohio, and Iowa lawns, and on that morning when it was long enough for cutting, i...
This story ["The Depressed Person"] was the most painful thing I ever wrote. It's about narcissism, which is a part of depression. The character has traits of myself. I really lost friends while writing on that story, I became ugly and unhappy and ju...
I come home from work this evening there was a note in the frying pan said Fix Your Own Supper Babe I Run Off With The Fuller Brush Man Well I sat down at the table screamed & hollered & cried I commenced to carring on 'till I almost lost my mind and...
[Louie and Pazu are in Tiger Moth's engine room] Louis: Hey, Pop! I've finally found ya an assistant! Papa: [disgruntled] Stop yelling at me! I can hear you. Believe me, sometimes I wish I couldn't. [to Pazu] Papa: Come on, assistant! Let's see what ...
Sean: Hey, Gerry, In the 1960s there was a young man that graduated from the University of Michigan. Did some brilliant work in mathematics. Specifically bounded harmonic functions. Then he went on to Berkeley. He was assistant professor. Showed amaz...
Chuckie: I didn't get on Cathy last night. Will: No? Chuckie: Nah. Will: Why not? Chuckie: I don't know. [yells across room] Chuckie: Cathy! Cathy: What? Chuckie: Why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie-woochie you usually throw at m...
Patrick: There's this one guy, queer as a 3 dollar bill. The guy's father doesn't know about his son. So, he comes into the basement one night when he's supposed to be out of town. Catches his son with another boy, so he starts beating him. But not l...
Raymond: Gotta get my boxer shorts at K-Mart. Charlie: [Pulls over, gets out of the car and yells] WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CIN...
Slinky Dog: Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm? Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot: [politely] Why, no. I haven't. Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot: [yelling] Hey! He was talkin' to me! Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot: N...
Philip Marlowe: You the guy that's been tailing me? Harry Jones: Yeah, the name's Jones. Harry Jones. I want to see you. Philip Marlowe: Swell. Did you want to see those guys jump me? Harry Jones: I didn't care one way or the other. Philip Marlowe: Y...
Thomas Leroy: [yelling to Nina over rehearsal music] The final act. Your final dance! You've tasted your dream. Touched it! Only to have it crushed. Your heart is broken. Wounded! Your life force fading. The blood drips. The black swan stole your lov...
Just curious,she mouthed. "What? I didn't catch that." Jjuussttccuurriioouuss.She drew it out this time, hoping he'd be able to read her lips. "If you spoke out loud," he drawled, "I might understand what you're saying." Caroline stamped her foot in ...
