Quotes of: Would Keyword

I’m not a ref, but I assigned her the penalty of clipping, and I told her to drop the scissors and step away from the newspaper ads.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

To show the football coach I was ready to play tight end, I wore no pants and had a Q-tip dangling out of my ass.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

With intellectual labor your hard work is forever, while with manual labor your hard work is temporary and soon forgotten.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’m not going to lecture you on the error of your ways. Not until you fetch me a podium and a microphone. I’ll also need a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon! 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be able to hear all the horrible things I’m thinking about you. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Some people say—not to my face, mind you—that I’m a cowardly son of a bitch. And that is simply not true. My mom is not a bitch.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

People talk of the “whispering wind.” But what are these secrets of the breeze? I don’t know, but I don't want a gossip to stand downwind of me.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

For dinner I had seared sneer with a glaze of distant gaze, and a side of mashed pride covered in grace.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

She was very close to my heart. Even though we were separated by a distance of 400 years, I was lying on her grave.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Knowing where you come from is just as important as knowing who you aren’t. You aren’t your own clone.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Mr. Williquosi, I didn’t mean to stab you in your gums with your fork. I was merely trying to spoon-feed you information.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I don’t think our president is doing a good job, but I think he’s doing a great vacation.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I can kick the can down the road, and I can also kick other modal verbs.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’ll steal bodies, not to be Corporal Corpse, but to have access to a never-ending supply of laughter still left over in their lungs.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.