Aunt Flo: Martha, where's Bart and Cole? Aunt Martha: Oh, they're off doing some volunteer work picking up trash off the streets. Kate Grant: It's community service; for Bart's rape. Aunt Martha: Sexual assault! Kate Grant: What's the difference? Aun...
Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous. Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun. Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally? Frank: I used to have that problem. Jane: What did you do about it? Frank: I just think about baseball.
Danny: Tess, you're doing a great job curating the museum, the Vermeer is quite good, simple, vibrant, but his work definitely fell off as he got older. Tess: Remind you of anyone? Danny: And I always confuse Monet and Manet. Now which one married hi...
Rusty: Saul, you're the best there is. You're in Cooperstown. What do you want? Saul: Nothing. I've got a duplex now, wall-to-wall, goldfish. I'm seeing a nice lady who works the "Unmentionables" counter at Macy's. I've changed. Rusty: Guys like us d...
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years? Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut an...
Tom Baxter: I guess I have to get a job. Cecilia: That's not gonna be so easy either - right now the whole country's out of work. Tom Baxter: Well, then, we'll live on love. We'll have to make some concessions, but so what? We'll have each other Ceci...
Barbossa: Gents, you all remember Captain Jack Sparrow. Kill him. Jack Sparrow: The girl's blood didn't work, did it? Barbossa: [to the crew] Hold your fire! Barbossa: You know whose blood we need. Jack Sparrow: I know whose blood you need!
Olivia Wenscombe: [referring to Angier] He wants me to come work for you and steal your secrets. Alfred Borden: What does he need my secrets for? His trick is top-notch. He vanishes, and then he reappears instantly on the other side of the stage - mu...
Dave: Sure throwing him in is the best way to get him to learn how to swim? The Count: Absolutely. Dave: Ok. The Count: On second thought, it might just be for kids. Angus: I can't touch the bottom! The Count: Yeah, that's right. Throw a baby in, it ...
Margaret Lord: Are you one of the musicians? Macaulay Connor: No! Margaret Lord: Oh of course, you're Junius's friend. Only you're not. Do you have any violin strings? Macaulay Connor: [digs in his pocket] I have an aspirin. Will that work? Margaret ...
Correspondent: General, we're told of wonder weapons the Germans were working on: Long-range rockets, push-button bombing weapons that don't need soldiers. What's your take on that? Patton: Wonder weapons? My God, I don't see the wonder in them. Kill...
Machine Shop Ear-Bender: So we were doin' paramedical work in affiliation with the state highway system. Not actual practice, you understand. And me & Bill were patrolling down Nine Miles. H.I.: Bill Roberts? Machine Shop Ear-Bender: No, not that mot...
Alain van Versch: Do you want to fuck? Stéphanie: Huh? Alain van Versch: You want to know if it still works? So, let's fuck! Stéphanie: Just like that? Alain van Versch: Yeah! Stéphanie: I don't know if I can do it just like that. Alain van Versch...
Sheriff of Nottingham: Well, greetings from your friendly neighborhood tax collector. Otto: Oh, take it easy on me, Sheriff. What with this busted leg and all, I'm way behind on my work, Sheriff. Sheriff of Nottingham: I know, Otto, but you're way be...
Mike Cameron: I don't know you very well, you know, but I wanted to ask you - how'd you get Diane Court to go out with you? Lloyd Dobler: I called her up. Mike Cameron: But how come it worked? I mean, like, what are you? Lloyd Dobler: I'm Lloyd Doble...
Adm. Randolph: Try one of these Jamaican cigars, Ambassador. They're pretty good. Ambassador de Sadesky: Thank you, no. I do not support the work of imperialist stooges. Adm. Randolph: Oh, only commie stooges, huh?
Mrs. Woolridge: Karl, I hear Jerry's taking you somewhere else tomorrow. Karl: I don't reckon I know nobody named Jerry. Dr. Jerry Woolridge: She's talking about me, Karl, that's my first name. Karl: He's carrying me to look for work over in Millsbur...
Frank Lopez: Hey, Tony. Remember when I told you when you first started working for me, the guys that last in this business, are the guys who fly straight. Low-key, quiet. But the guys who want it all, chicas, champagne, flash... they don't last. Ton...
Tony Montana: You know what your problem is? Elvira Hancock: What's that? Tony Montana: You don't got nothing to do with your life. Why don't you get a job? Work with lepers. Blind kids. Anything's gotta be better than lying around all day waiting fo...
Jack: Are you still seeing that shrink? Miles Raymond: I saw him on Monday. I spent most of the time helping him with his computer. Jack: Well, I say, fuck therapy. And what is that stuff you take... Xanax? Miles Raymond: And Lexapro, yes. Jack: Well...
[Holmes has been firing a gun into the wall] Dr. John Watson: Permission to enter the armory? Sherlock Holmes: Granted. [He fires again] Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I am in the process of inventing a device which muffles the sound of a gunshot. [He yell...
