White Rabbit: We need a lazard with a liddle... a lad... can you help us? Bill: At your service, gov'nor. Dodo: Bill, my lad. Have you ever been down a chimney? Bill: Why, gov'nor, I've been down more chimneys... Dodo: Excellent, excellent. Now just ...
White Rabbit: Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, torment...
Once the principals in their party are seated, with those lower on the totem pole left to grumble and move on to find another table, our once-cozy booth transforms into a damp fusion of vacuous wretchedness, with the three women all complaining alter...
The line from Pulp Fiction—the one Samuel L. Jackson shouts at John Travolta as they’re trying to wash blood off their hands—pops into my head: 'I used the same soap you did and when I dried my hands, the towel didn't look like no fuckin’ max...
Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. 'I don't much care where -' said Alice. 'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat. '- so long as I get ...
As you know, the International Poker Tour, by its own admission, knows very little about poker games, one of which ended tragically last week when an IPT-sanctioned tournament aboard a yacht in Australia accidentally used tarot cards instead of playi...
You can donate marrow for her, Alice Faye, you can’t cure her. You can win a poker tournament, but that won’t make her want to live. So I’ll ask you again: Who are you, and what are you doing here? Because Munny sure doesn’t want you to be he...
Wait, and you had to ask him if Faye’s in danger? IF? Okay, first of all, I’m just going to admit that I didn’t know Japan had a Mafia, but I also didn’t know they got a Disney World. If someone gets an invitation from the Mafia, I’d say th...
Suddenly, the giant, three-headed dog that guards the entrance to the Underworld appears next to her—sans two of its heads—and sits down. As a child, we had a neighbor with a Great Dane, and I know they’re about three feet tall at the shoulder....
Cheshire Cat: Oh, by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way. Alice: Who did? Cheshire Cat: The White Rabbit. Alice: He did? Cheshire Cat: He did what? Alice: Went that way. Cheshire Cat: Who did? Alice: The White Rabbit. Cheshire Cat...
Caterpillar: Who... are... you? Alice: I- I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see... Caterpillar: No, I do not 'C.' Explain yourself. Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself sir, because I'm not myself, you know. C...
White Rabbit: Why, Mary Ann! What are you doing out here? Alice: Mary Ann? White Rabbit: Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no no! Go go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! Alice: But late for what? That's just what I... White Rabbit: My gloves! ...
Alice: [singing] Painting the roses red... Card Painter, Card Painter, Card Painter: [singing] We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the Queen what you have seen or say that's what we said, but we're painting the roses red. Alice: Yes, painting ...
...once I realized that Australia’s top highway speed of 110 kilometers per hour was the same as going 65 in the U.S., all my hardened American enthusiasm for speed went limp until it felt like the car was hardly moving at all. Even worse, most str...
. I’ve watched about a dozen tourists almost get hit by cars since I’ve been here. I barely made it to the beach alive the other day. I mean, no one knows what they’re doing. They swing their heads back and forth like they’re mounted on a doo...
It'll be no use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here till I'm somebody else"...
The writing of solid, instructive stuff fortified by facts and figures is easy enough. There is no trouble in writing a scientific treatise on the folk-lore of Central China, or a statistical enquiry into the declining population of Prince Edward Isl...
If a man prefers nothing I can give him nothing. But nearly all people I have ever met in this western society in which I live would agree to the general proposition that we need this life of practical romance; the combination of something that is st...
...Sometimes when people work for God, they get the idea that He should make their life all smooth and easy because they're doing His work...It ain't so. Jesus said life is gonna be hard. Period. He said if you're gonna follow Him, then you're gonna ...
Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now has it that you won’t allow anyone to see your eyes—ever. In fact, according to this knowledgeable sour...
I brought you out here because I wanted to share a sunrise with you, and maybe even a sunset. I wanted to see how much I could kiss you between now and the time we dock tomorrow. And if I was really lucky, I was hoping I could lie with you until you ...
