Ralphie: Hey Dad! I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas. The Old Man: A new furnace. Ralphie: Ha ha! That's a good one, Dad! [Randy laughs]
O'Bannion: Hey Slater, you fuckin' hippie, give me drugs, man. Slater: Go get some from your mother, man. O'Bannion: We just bagged your mother. Slater: Okay, fuck you dickhead.
Tevye: As the good book says, when a poor man eats a chicken, one of them is sick. Mendel: Where does the book say that? Tevye: Well, it doesn't say that exactly, but somewhere there is something about a chicken.
William 'Wild Bill' Wharton: [about to pass out from drugs] I don't see why white man has to sit in a nigger electric chair. White man should have his own damn electric chair.
Hamlet: What man dost thou dig it for? First Gravedigger: For no man sir. Hamlet: For what woman then? First Gravedigger: For none neither. Hamlet: *Who* is to be buried here? First Gravedigger: One that was a woman sir, but rest her soul, she's dead...
Man on Porch: Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death? George Bailey: You want me to kiss her, huh? Man on Porch: Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people.
Tony Stark: [reading the newspaper] Iron Man. That's kind of catchy. It's got a nice ring to it. I mean it's not technically accurate. The suit's a gold titanium alloy, but it's kind of provocative, the imagery anyway.
Dalton Russell: [a cop peeks in the bank, Dalton comes out with his revolver and speaks in an accent] You come near here I start throwing bodies out the front door. I not fucking joking, man.
Mr. Dryden: If we've been telling lies, you've been telling half-lies. A man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it.
Jamie: It's lovely-lovely to see you all... and, er... I'm off, actually. Jamie's mum: But, Jamie, darling! Jamie: Sorry. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Jamie's niece: I HATE Uncle Jamie!
David Gale: There once was a lesbian from Cancun/ who took a young man up to her room/ where they argued all night/ as to who had the right/ to do what and how much and to whom.
Fred Madison: Where's Alice? Mystery Man: Alice who? Her name is Renee. If she's told you her name is Alice, she's lying. [filled with rage] Mystery Man: [shouts] And your name? What the fuck is your name?
Jack Crabb: I was determined to stay out of them buffalo robes. Three young and healthy women with no man for who knows how long. The very idea kinda shrunk me like a spider on a hot stove.
Dr. Will Gruber: We will die, you will live. Will you come to my funeral, John. Sandy: You've gone too far, John didn't ask to be what he is. Dr. Will Gruber: And we did not ask to hear about it...
Dr. Will Gruber: So, you're a caveman? John Oldman: Yes, uh... I *was* a cro-magnon, I think. Dr. Will Gruber: You don't know if you're a caveman or not? John Oldman: [half laughs] No, I'm sure about that.
John Oldman: Bathing was the style until the Middle Ages, and the church told us it was sinful to wash away God's dirt. So people were sewn into their underwear in October, and they popped out in April.
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then? The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king. Large Man with Dead Body: Why? The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Danny: You mean he's piled up a fortune of sixty cows out of her infidelities? Billy Fish: And thirty-two goats. Danny: She ain't a wife, she's a going concern!
Storekeeper: [to Tae-Sik Cha] Kids will learn from their mistakes. Parenting isn't just giving birth. She's always by herself. Bring her around more often, like the other dads. It's on me.
Man Ray: A man in love with a woman from a different era. I see a photograph! Luis Buñuel: I see a film! Gil: I see insurmountable problem! Salvador Dalí: I see rhinoceros!
Reidenschneider: You say he was being blackmailed, by who? You don't know. For having an affair, with who? You don't know. Did anyone else know about it? Probably not, you don't know.
