Vanilla has become too genericized. It’s become standard, which is good. Vanilla is a household name. But the same standardization that’s made it so popular has taken the novelty out of it. Being the vanguard of ice cream has vanquished its radic...
I am Oscar Wilde’s reversible underwear. I am John Wayne’s rusty six-shooter. I am William Shakespeare’s identity crisis. I am a kiss delivered Priority Mail, to a girl named Agatha, by me dressed as a mailman.
Freud was a fraud, but he’d probably think I have a complex of some kind. Anal, oral, Orafoural, etc. While most kids wanted to grow up to be an astronaut, one of Barbara Streisand’s bras, a priest in sheep’s clothing, or an IRS employee, I alw...
You know, if a waitress asks me if I want ketchup with my fries, I’ll reply, “No thanks, I’ll just drink water.” And that’s not just a statement about table etiquette; it’s a personal quote that accurately reflects my moral and philosophi...
The pockmarked and chalk-white sidewalk was like the surface of the moon, and I felt like Neil Armstrong as I walked along in my space boots and white helmet with my visor flipped down. Of course in zero gravity, Neil probably had a more impressive e...
I can’t write anymore. My words are paper airplanes tenuously gliding towards the dust. The wonder of the Phoenicians, which throughout the latter part of this entry I have not fully comprehended, is getting vaguer still. Where did this feather in ...
Jim Braddock: For two hundred and fifty dollars I would fight your wife! Joe Gould: Now you're dreaming Jim Braddock: ...and your grandmother, at the same time. Joe Gould: Teeth in or teeth out? Jim Braddock: Take 'em out! Joe Gould: Then you're dead...
A wounded animal yet bears teeth
Full stories are as rare as honesty.
Take all the hype out of the exercise and think of it as brushing your teeth.
Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.
Maybe it's the hair. Maybe it's the teeth. Maybe it's the intellect. No, it's the hair.
I've never dyed my hair, never fixed my teeth or gotten a tan.
Avedon wouldn't let me put wax between my teeth like I usually did.
I'm not going to change my teeth or get a nose job. That manufactured perfection does nothing for me.
No performer should attempt to bite off red-hot iron unless he has a good set of teeth.
You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me.
Writing the story of your own life is a bit like drilling your own teeth.
I had my two front teeth knocked out by a sixth grader in first grade.
Americans may have no identity, but they do have wonderful teeth.
Even though I'm a jazz-trained drummer, I cut my teeth playing rock.
