I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
I'd so much rather people think I was funny than pretty.
Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.
I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
British politics, as the world knows, is a joke. Yet it's rarely funny.
The only guaranteed way to make something not very funny is to make it vague.
I know my spirit is not mean, and I have a very good spirit and a funny spirit.
Ladies are honest. They're my motivation. They know what's funny, and the dudes just follow.
War is one of the scourges with which it has pleased God to afflict men.
A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.
Life is God's novel. Let him write it.
