Quotes of: Wild-animals Keyword

The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon melts and then evaporates. And your assassination can be fruit flavored!

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

My writing, it’s all I have. Well, aside from my health. And shelter, food, and clothing. Oh, and my cat.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

I’d use my shadow as a blanket, but it’s too cold. It’s a shame, because it’d fit snuggly over my body.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

The profit was five, split evenly between the two of us, which meant that my fair share was three. (2.5 rounded off is 3.)

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were snorted by the neighborhood cokehead. Ah, but that’s life, no?

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

I tried telling him without telling him, through body language, and I observed he was unobservant.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an open jar of mayonnaise. I guess that’s just the champion in me.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

My mom and dad died, but in their place I got a house of fog that’s easy to hide my feelings in. (No smoking, please.)


A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to have for her. Now all I’m left with is this yummy taco.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

I’m thirsting for fame. I’m so fucking thirsty. Somebody bring me a tall glass of saltwater with a side order of desert.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

I can’t sell sex for money, but what if I change sex’s name to food? Then can I sell it freely in the street?

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

I think it’s important to set goals for myself, goals for the future, goals that I’ll demand my clones achieve for me.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

When someone insults me, I simply shut down. Then I open back up at 9 am the next morning.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

What is man’s shared IQ? And more important, how thick should my body armor be to protect myself against it?

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

A tie is a win for more than one person. But a tie is also a loss equally shared by two or more people.


A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

I opened my wallet and gave him a coupon, hoping he’d open his wallet and give me money.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

My favorite tree is the Joshua tree, which is named after me. Well, it will be, once I change my name to Joshua.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way to pick up a politician.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom