Donkey: I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here,...
Donkey: Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? Shrek: You k...
[Holmes has been firing a gun into the wall] Dr. John Watson: Permission to enter the armory? Sherlock Holmes: Granted. [He fires again] Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I am in the process of inventing a device which muffles the sound of a gunshot. [He yell...
Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site. Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern. Evan: Right, I didn't realize that. Seth: Besides,...
The Emperor: [to the Senate] In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society which I assure you will last for ten thousand years. [Senate fills w...
[the Mole ordered Cartman to disable the army camp alarms, but to his surprise the alarms sound when he tries to rescue Terrance and Phillip and he gets set upon by a pack of wild guard dogs, which he manages to escape from] The Mole: [Bloody & morta...
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: You sharpshootin' me, punk? Is that what you're doin'? Don't you sharpshoot me! You'll give me forty. Then you're gonna give me forty more. Then you're gonna pull K.P., the grease pit! I'll rub your NOSE in enlisted men's CRUD t...
Sick Boy: [Sean Connery accent] Do you shee the beasht? Have you got it in your shights? Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [aiming the pellet gun at a dog] Clear enough, Missh Moneypenny! This should preshent no shignificant problemsh! [shoots the dog which st...
[Jack is teaching Rose how to spit] Rose: Mother! May I introduce Jack Dawson? Ruth: Charmed, I'm sure. [Old Rose, voice in off] Old Rose: The others were gracious and curious about the man who had saved my life. But my mother looked at him like an i...
Old Rose: 1,500 people went into the sea when Titanic sank from under us. There were twenty boats floating nearby, and only one came back. One. Six were saved from the water, myself included. Six, out of 1,500. Afterward, the 700 people left in the b...
cop: Todd Hockney? Hockney: Who wants to know? cop: New York Police Department. [Hockney drops his screwdriver, sighs and reaches under the body of the car] cop: Shit! Freeze! Hold it! [Hockney actually pulls out a red cloth with which he uses to wip...
[from trailer] Jordan Belfort: My name is Jordan Belfort. I'm a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which ...
Bolivar Trask: [takes out a folder at Congress] This was acquired from our friends in the CIA. It's a dissertation written by a mutant at Oxford University and I quote: "To Homo Neanderthalensus, his mutant cousin Homo Sapiens, which is us, was an ab...
I wrote a post about wanting to buy a banjo - a $300 banjo, which is a lot of money, and I don't play instruments; I don't know anything about music. I like music, and I like banjos, and I think I probably heard Steve Martin playing, and I said, 'I c...
I travel often, which can make maintaining a workout schedule a little difficult, but I try to make time for it whenever I can. Sometimes I wake up extra early so I can fit in a run or a bike ride, and other days I'll just blast music and jump around...
I write back to every fan who writes me, which is kind of a full-time job in some regards 'cause I don't want people to wait too long . So I get up very early in the morning and try to rip through all of them. I pretty much sleep four hours a night. ...
I suppose I've always done my share of crying, especially when there's no other way to contain my feelings. I know that men ain't supposed to cry, but I think that's wrong. Crying's always been a way for me to get things out which are buried deep, de...
Brown: Circus too constricting a word to describe the talented and merry band with which we travel. It is a spectacle unlike most have ever witnessed. Creatures from the darkest Africa as yet unseen by civilized man. Acrobats from the Orient able to ...
Narrator: As he listened, Tom began to realize that these stories weren't routinely told. These were stories one had to earn. He could feel the wall coming down. He wondered if anyone else had made it this far. Which is why the next six words changed...
Lloyd Richards: I shall never understand the weird process by which a body with a voice suddenly fancies itself as a mind. Just when exactly does an actress decide they're HER words she's speaking and HER thoughts she's expressing? Margo Channing: Us...
Ripley: They grab the colonists, they move them over there and they immobilize them to be hosts for more of these. Which would mean that there would have to be a lot of these parasites, right? One for each colonist. That's over a hundred at least. Bi...
