Trapper John: [after practicing golf shots on heli-pad with Hawkeye, a pilot along with Vollmer comes to talk to him] Lieutenant! You look terrible! Look at... Captain look at his eyes. Let me see your tongue. [inserts cigar as thermometer] Trapper J...
Carla Jean Moss: Where'd you get the pistol? Llewelyn Moss: At the gettin' place. Carla Jean Moss: Did you buy that gun? Llewelyn Moss: No. I found it. Carla Jean Moss: Llewelyn! Llewelyn Moss: What? Quit hollerin'. Carla Jean Moss: What'd you give f...
Westley: Where am I? The Albino: [raspy voice] The Pit of Despair! Don't even think... [clears throat] The Albino: ... don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. Don't dream of being rescued, either; the only way in is sec...
Janet: No further questions your honor. Roy: ['Roy' emerges] Where the hell do you think you're going? Janet: Excuse me? Roy: Hey you look at me when I'm talkin' to you, bitch! Judge Miriam Shoat: Mr. Stampler! Roy: Fuck you, lady! Come here! [Roy ju...
Jiminy Cricket: All right, then, here's what we'll tell 'em. You can't go to the theater. Say thank you just the same - you're sorry, but you've got to go to school. Pinocchio: Mmm-hmm. Foulfellow: Pinocchio! Oh, Pinocchio! Woo-hoo! Jiminy Cricket: H...
Foulfellow: [he and Gideon have "diagnosed" Pinocchio's "condition"] My boy, you are *allergic.* Pinocchio: Allergic? Foulfellow: Yes, and there is only one cure: a vacation on Pleasure Island! Pinocchio: Pleasure Island? Foulfellow: Yes! [ge and Gid...
Father: There was this English butler out in India. One day, he goes in the dining room and what does he see under the table ? A tiger. Not turning a hair, he goes straight to the drawing room. "Hum, hum. Excuse me, my lord," and whispering, so as no...
Joey Gazelle: [holding her at gunpoint while she holds her baby] Now you listen to me, Conchita. You listen to me real good. I don't want to hurt Manny. Conchita: Okay. Joey Gazelle: All right? I don't want to hurt him, but he has something that belo...
[General Turgenson's phone rings in the war room] General "Buck" Turgidson: Hello... [whispering] General "Buck" Turgidson: I told you never to call me here, don't you know where I am?... Well look, baby, I c-, I *can't* talk to you now... my preside...
[last lines] James T. Kirk: There will always be those who mean to do us harm. To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves. Our first instinct is to seek revenge when those we love are taken from us. But that's not who we are... Wh...
Jack Torrance: Wendy, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me. And it will then take me time to get back to where I was. You understand? Wendy Torrance: Yeah...
[Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to storm his swamp] Villager 1: There's his lair... let's get him! Villager 2: Do you know what that thing could do? It'll grind your bones for its bread! Shrek: Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now ogres, oh, th...
[Figuring out which con to pull on Lonnegan] J.J. Singleton: I dunno know what to do with this guy, Henry. He's an Irishman who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and doesn't chase dames. He's a grand knight in the Knights of Columbus, and he only goes ou...
Saddam Hussein: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing. Cartman: Hey, don't call me fat buttfucker! [rays shoot from malfunctioning V-chip and kill a demon from hell] Stan: Do it Cartman! Do it! Ca...
Kyle: Ok. Let's try this one more time. Ready, Ike? Kick the baby! Ike Broflovski: Don't kick the baby. Kyle: Kick the baby! [Kicks Ike through a window, causing it to shatter] Sheila Broflovski: Ike! You broke ANOTHER window! That's a bad baby! Baaa...
Alonzo Harris: You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh? Crackhead #1: What you think? Alonzo Harris: They got room for you at the booty house, you ever been to the booty house. Big boys have you grab you ankles... Crackhe...
George Fields: Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm your agent, not your mother! I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in - I'm supposed to field offers! And that's what I do! Michael Dorsey: 'Field o...
[Blue Star has gone from 24 to 16 1/2 in a very short time] Gordon Gekko: Fox, where the hell are you? I am losing MILLIONS! You got me into this airline and you sure as hell better get me out or the only job you'll ever have on the Street is SWEEPIN...
Rorschach: [voiceover] Rorschach's journal, October 13th, 1985. 8:30 PM. Meeting with Dreiberg left bad taste in mouth. A flabby failure who sits whimpering in his basement. Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders...
Rachel Lapp: [Book and Carter are driving around a rough neighborhood looking for a suspect that fits Samuel's description, with Rachel and Samuel in tow] Where are you taking us? John Book: I'm sorry... we're looking for a suspect in the area, we'd ...
Chief Paul Schaeffer: Calling me at home. I can't trace the call. That's smart, John, very smart. John Book: Lost the meaning, did you, Paul? Chief Paul Schaeffer: What? John Book: Isn't that what you used to say about dirty cops? Somewhere along the...
