[Hawkeye is shooting arrow after arrow against the enemies, and reports to Iron Man:] Clint Barton: Stark? Got a lot of strays sniffing your tail. Tony Stark: Just trying to keep them off the streets. Clint Barton: [smiles] Well, they can't bank wort...
Lamont: [When Derek doesn't respond to his question, he laughs] Okay, I know your kind, right? Bad ass peckerwood with an attitude. Well, let me tell you something, man. You better watch your ass 'cause you're in the joint. You the nigger, not me.
[Susan is stealing David's car from the golf course] Susan Vance: Now, don't lose your temper. David Huxley: My dear young lady, I'm not losing my temper. I'm merely trying to play some golf! Susan Vance: Well you choose the funniest places; this is ...
David Huxley: [David has just slipped on the olive Susan had dropped and he has fallen backward - sitting upon his hat] Well I might have known you were here. I had a feeling - just as I hit the floor. Susan Vance: That was your hat.
Brandon: Lana, you are one cranky girl. Lana: Yeah, well, you'd be cranky, too, Mister I'm Going To Memphis Graceland Tennessee, if you were stuck in a town where there's nothing to do but go bumper skiing and chase bats every night of your evil fuck...
Kit Carruthers: You Tired? Holly Sargis: Yeah. Kit Carruthers: Yeah, you look tired... Listen, honey. when all this is over, I'm going to sit down and buy you a big, thick steak. Holly Sargis: I don't want a steak. Kit Carruthers: Well, we'll see abo...
Charlie: I pulled off early today. Took your advice, went to a doctor about this ear. He says 'You have an ear infection, ten dollars please'. So I says 'I told you I had an ear infection, you give me ten dollars!' Well that started an argument.
[Butch just rode with Etta on his bicycle] Sundance Kid: Hey, what are you doin'? Butch Cassidy: Stealin' your woman? Sundance Kid: [pause] Take her. [sigh] Sundance Kid: Take her. Butch Cassidy: Well, you're a romantic bastard, I'll give you that.
Sundance Kid: Well, I think I'll get saddled up and go looking for a woman. Butch Cassidy: Good hunting. Sundance Kid: Shouldn't take more than a couple of days. I'm not picky. As long as she's smart, pretty, and sweet, and gentle, and tender, and re...
Butch Cassidy: You know, when I was a kid, I always thought I'd grow up to be a hero. Sundance Kid: Well, it's too late now. Butch Cassidy: What'd you say that for? You didn't have to say something like that.
Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet... The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal c...
Da Fino: Well maybe you and me could pool our resources, you know, trade information? Professional courtesy? Compeers, you know? The Dude: Yeah, yeah, I get it, fuck off Da Fino. And stay away from my special - from my fucking lady friend, man!
[Lord Bottoms had claimed the right of Prima Nocte and raped Morrison's bride on the first night of their marriage] Morrison: Do you remember me? Lord Bottoms: [scared] I never did her any harm. It was my right! Morrison: Your right? Well, I'm here t...
Ray: I'm not being funny. We can't stay here. Ken: We have to stay here until he rings. Ray: Well what if he doesn't ring for two weeks? Ken: Then we stay here for two weeks. Ray: For two weeks? In fucking Bruges? In a room like this? With you? No wa...
Abby: He took me to a psychiatrist one time, to calm me down... the psychiatrist said I was the healthiest person he'd ever talked to, so Marty fired him. Ray: I don't think you can fire a psychiatrist, 'zactly. Abby: Well I never saw him again, I ca...
Abby: He gave me a little pearl-handled .38 for our first anniversary. Ray: Uh-huh. Abby: Figured I'd better leave before I used it on him. I don't know how you can stand him. Ray: Well, I'm only an employee, I ain't married to him.
[after Scott introduces himself as Mary and shows them the pants he hand-stitched] Gerry Fleck: Well you must be very "proud Mary". Scott Donlan: Oh my goodness. Who are you all of a sudden? Stefan Vanderhoof: Good baby boomer gag. Cookie Fleck: Who'...
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is...
There's a way to preach the Bible unbiblically...You can use the Bible as the springboard for all kinds of ideas, can't you? Look around in here and find something that fits your fancy and then launch a rocket off it. People say, 'That was amazing, w...
I am obnoxious to each carping tongue/ Who says my hand a needle better fits./ A poet's pen all scorn I should thus wrong/ For such despite they cast on female wits;/ If what I do prove well, it won't advance,/ They'll say it's stolen, or else, it wa...
I was actually pretty shy in school. My defense mechanism was to be the class clown. I remember getting into a lot of trouble for being disruptive, and I was brought in front of the headteacher, who said: 'What's going to happen to you; what are you ...
