When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!
He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume.
What's remarkable about old age is not that we wear out but that we last so long in the grip of gravity.
I'm a whore!" Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?" Sara let out a strangled squeal...
Normally I’d run off in the other direction when faced with a man wearing what were essentially pyjamas to work, but this time... well, they matched my boxers.
Blankets could be used to identify liars and thieves, if lawmakers passed laws stating that lawmakers were required by law to wear blankets out in public.
I wear the word victim like a badge of honor — my own purple heart. I see what others do more than I see what I'm capable of.
The only woman who would wear a gown like this one, love, is one who knows the power she wields and isn’t afraid to use it.
Don't ask why the elephants wear such large shoes, And why the kangaroos are reborn kidnappers, And why the sailing birds are all Romantics.
If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).
Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek.
Life goal: Swim in a lake full of soup, and instead of bathing suits we’ll wear Ziploc bags while we make love like we’re feeding the homeless.
We were wearing diapers at the same time. We didn’t grow up together, however. I was in the crib, and she was playing cribbage in the nursing home.
How many birthdays can you fit in a shoebox? I guess that depends both on how old you are, and what size shoe you wear.
The clouds rolled over the hills like a pack of midgets wearing gray togas somersaulting in unison, and I thought it’s a glorious day to be alive and in love.
If I were to be elected World Leader someday, I’d wear an outfit made of Band-Aids, as a symbolic gesture of sticking together, healing, and the blood soon to be spilt.
People rarely ventured outside the realm of their own hurts. They believed their own suffering was obvious to all, but might as well have been wearing blinders for all that they noticed anyone else's.
What I thought was a black hole turned out to be nothing more than a splatter of ink on my tie. And I assumed I was wearing the most astrological outfit of the century.
Love is so stressful. I just want to wear a toga and be a shepherd. If I looked more like Jesus, I’ll bet I’d get more followers on Twitter.
I was so offended I wanted to light his face on fire. But I restrained myself, because he was wearing my cat on his head.
Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn out the lights, I look so skinny that I disappear.
