[watching news of Lau's capture on the television] The Chechen: Put word out, we hire the clown. [the other mobsters look doubtful] The Chechen: He was right. We have to fix real problem: Batman.
Gru: Uh, question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots. Boogie! Look at this! Watch me. Gru: Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so... old?
[watching Elliot's house under quarantine after E.T.'s death] Steve: Something's happening. Greg: [sarcastically] Ooh, they're gonna die. Tyler: Shut up, Greg. Steve: Something is definitely happening.
Brian Taylor: [taping themselves] Dude! Don't swear, man, I have to edit that out when you swear. Mike Zavala: Oh, fuck! Oh, shit, dude! Fuck, man!
Mike Zavala: Why the fuck did you get married in your dress blues? If you worked at Best Buy would you wear that fucking stupid polo shirt?
Orozco: [warning Taylor and Zavala about the tape recording] Listen, you know they can subpoena that shit if something goes sideways, right? Think twice. Brian Taylor: Two words, 'erase button!'
Mike Zavala: Just because I look like the dudes from Home Depot doesn't mean I do the shit that the Home Depot dudes do.
Mike Zavala: Curbside's at it again, bro. Brian Taylor: Curbside likes these vehicles because they blend in, you can put a lot of people in them, and this door slides back and the gang members open fire.
Gabby: I like her, Brian. Mike Zavala: Buddy! Janet: How long have you known Brian? Gabby: Three years. He and Mike went to the Academy together Janet: Right.
[Archie's at bat and is almost hit by the pitcher's throws, twice] Archie Graham: Hey, ump, how 'bout a warning? Clean-shaven Umpire: Sure, kid. Watch out you don't get killed.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.
Lt. Weinberg: Why do you like them so much? Galloway: Because they stand on a wall and say, "Nothing's going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch."
Patrick Kenzie: [while watching TV] Fucking cops. This is just unbelievable. The whole force standing outside the house, guarding the sidewalk with their arms crossed. I mean, are the kidnappers coming back?
Senator Pat Geary: [as they're watching the performer at the sex club] Freddie, that thing can't be real. Fredo Corleone: Sure it is. That's why they call him Superman.
Lady in nursing home: [Watching Jerry Springer] It's interesting. Man in nursing home: Interesting? Bunch'a inbred trailer trash! All they ever talk about is fucking!
Irene: How many launches are there each day, Vincent? A dozen? Vincent: Sometimes more. Irene: You're the only one that watches all of them. If you're going to pretend like you don't care, don't look up.
Rhett Butler: Take a good look my dear. It's an historic moment you can tell your grandchildren about - how you watched the Old South fall one night.
Enid: Look at this. Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh? Rebecca: Oh God, how perfect. Enid: He'd better watch out or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her.
Bard: What news from the night-watch? Alfrid: All quiet, sir. Nothing escapes me. Bard: Except an army of Elves it would seem.
Alan Garner: [while getting fitted for a tux] Whoa, watch it, pervert! Doug Billings: It's ok, Alan. He's just doing your inseam. Alan Garner: He's getting very close to my shaft.
Tatiana Rusesabagina: [while watching a neighbor get beaten] Do something. Paul Rusesabagina: Do what? Tatiana Rusesabagina: Call someone. Paul Rusesabagina: [after shutting the gate] There is nothing we can do.
