Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles! Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to... Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty! Rusty Griswold...
Limbic pursuits sink slowly and steadily lower on America’s list of collective priorities. Top-ranking items remain the pursuit of wealth, physical beauty, youthful appearance, and the shifting, elusive markers of status. There are brief spasms of ...
Do you write every day?' 'Oh, no. Oh, I sort of try. I don't work very hard, really. Really I'm on vacation. All the time. Or you could say I work all the time, too. It comes to the same thing.' He'd said all this before, to others; he wondered if he...
The question kept breaking into her thoughts as she maneuvered through light traffic and an increasingly difficult roadway. On impulse, she pulled into the crowded parking lot at the supermarket and made her way down one aisle and then another, tossi...
We describe a person without compassion as “heartless,” and we urge him or her to “have a heart.” Our deepest hurts we call “heartaches.” Jilted lovers are “brokenhearted.” Courageous soldiers are “bravehearted.” The truly evil ar...
And just like that, as if I hadn't said anything at all, the ladies sprang into a conversation about the sinful nature the Jews possessed when killing their Lord Jesus. I didn't know if I was hearing this right because I had become so intoxicated, bu...
Everything happens at night. The world changes, the shadows grow, there's secrecy and privacy in dark places. First kiss at night, by the monkey bars and the old swings that the children and their parents have vacated; second, longer kiss, by the bik...
I needed a vacation. I needed 5 women. I needed to get the wax out of my ears. My car needed an oil change. I'd failed to file my damned income tax. One of the stems had broken off of my reading glasses. There were ants in my apartment. I needed to g...
my love is not conditional, my love is never blind, my love is never careless, my love will never leave you far behind, my love is never gone, my love is never far, my love will always love you for being just the way that you are. because my love is ...
Narrator: Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, pressed against his tits, ready to cry. This was my vacation... and she ruined *everything*. Marla Singer: This is cancer, right? Narrator: This chick Marla Singer ...
Kate McCallister: Have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home? Gus Polinski: No, no. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. [Off Kate's look] Gus Polinski: Yeah, it was awful. The wife was distraught and we left the little tyke the...
I don't define success by how much money someone makes. I don't define success by how many trophies or plaques or awards someone has. I don't define it by membership in exclusive clubs or the ability to name-drop about someone's famous friends. I don...
[Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop] Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem? Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car! [Clark exits from the car] Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something? Motorcycle Cop: Shut...
Clark: Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose? Look... I tied him to the rear bumper while I was packing the car. It was very confusing. I must have forgot. I'm very sorry, I feel terrible. Motorcycle Cop: How do you think that little dog feels? ...
Mechanic 2: Ain't never seen anyone so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. You musta got manure for your brains. Clark: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town. So, what's the bill? Come on, come on, how much? Mechanic 1: How much you got? Clark: ...
[looking at the dead Aunt Edna in the back seat] Ellen Griswold: She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. What are we going to do, Clark? Clark Griswald: Well, we could leave her here and the first phone we pass, we could call your Cousin ...
...my father, [was] a mid-level phonecompany manager who treated my mother at best like an incompetent employee. At worst? He never beat her, but his pure, inarticulate fury would fill the house for days, weeks, at a time, making the air humid, hard ...
Discretion is a virtue. A woman's reputation directly influences her social status. This is why women are easier to get into bed when they are on vacation——they are more likely to indulge in an adventure that they trust holds no social consequenc...
You meet somebody at the seashore on a vacation and have a wonderful time together. Or in a corner at a party, while the glasses clink and somebody beats on a piano, you talk with a stranger whose mind seems to whet and sharpen your own and with whom...
When we pick up the newspaper at breakfast, we expect - we even demand - that it brings us momentous events since the night before...We expect our two-week vacations to be romantic, exotic, cheap, and effortless..We expect anything and everything. We...
Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people a...
