Imagine there is a balloon tied to a severed human hand. As it floats into the sky it flaps in the breeze, and whether you perceive it to be waving hello or goodbye determines whether you are in love.
Today I had to cut my Silent and Still Statue Demonstration Ceremony short due to wind conditions. Tonight I’ll make love like a tornado.
Nine out of ten people agree, it was right and just to kill and eat that one guy. That’s love. That’s democracy. That’s a free dinner.
I make my living as a farmer. I milk the clock at work. And I make love like a dentist. Oh yes, I am that erotic.
A fire truck is just a drivable penis. The flames of my love might engulf you, if you don’t let me park inside you.
I knew I was in love because I had butterflies in my stomach. Also in there I had flowers, a few rainbows, and leftover unicorn from the bbq the day before.
Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise.
When there is extra to be eaten, I’ll be there, and I’ll be hungry. When there is more love than people to absorb it all, I’ll be there, and I’ll invite my clones.
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
You have to be fun to ride roller coasters. And you have to be tall. My love for you is both of those things, even though I disguise it as a dwarf.
In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.
Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the phone to call or text.
Love has boundaries, like a map, and I guess that makes me a cartographer. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re too topographical for my taste.
We made love like I make grilled cheese sandwiches. I had no idea what I was doing, but she melted into me all the same.
My computer file is zipped, but my pants are not. Let us make love like 1968, before Al Gore invented the internet.
We made love like Wednesday and Thursday, only Thursday wasn’t always on top. Her name was Yesterday, and today will always remind me of her.
In a cube of awesomeness, I am the lemonade of longing. My love has twelve edges, like a pack of razorblades to an edgy suicidal maniac.
It has been found that reading love quotes is beneficial to your health. It has been found by me, and I found it under my bed.
Our love was so hot it could melt the polar ice caps. In fact, my passion’s probably to blame for global warming.
We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
The race is long, and I am sprinting. If I ever see her again, I’ll probably be too out of breath to tell her I love her.
