A fly with an elephant on its back would give the illusion of a flying elephant, if that fly were powered by my love for you.
I make love like others make money. You’ve got to spend money to make money, right? If not, then why am I paying for sex?
Everything you swallow will kill you, some faster than others. Swallow your pride, and you’ll love a long time.
Love between two people is sacred, and also secret—and shouldn’t be shared with a third person. But come on, you can trust me.
We made love like two cars that were out of gas. I tried to fill her up, but couldn’t because I myself was empty.
I make love like Jello-O is liquid. And I masturbate like Jell-O is solid. I’m tired of sex with blow up dolls.
We’re all lonely and looking for love, even if you’re fat, stinky, and asexual. You should wear a suit of armor when you have sex.
I watch you while you sleep. Is that love? It would be, if I put down my binoculars, and you picked up your phone.
Love is rare, Rhys. You found it without even trying. I had that kind of love. It's a gift, a type of magic all its own.
Love is happiness, but only when you believe it will last forever. Even though every time it turns out to be a lie, it’s only faith that gives love its strength and its joy.
Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price.
I am the Love Camel of Llama Land. Come, hop on my hump and let me lead you to water.
Out of all the guys she could love, I am two of them. But she chose my clone over me and that hurts. And it feels good.
Tennis should be played with a canoe paddle. And 30-love isn’t just a score, it was my age and feeling. Hand me a creek, because my eyes are dry.
I’d love to visit a zoo stocked with stuffed animals. Where would all the real animals be? Well, the real animals would be where they always are: in Congress.
Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel.
Tell me there’s a God, and I’ll believe you. But tell me you’re not in love with me, and I’ll shoot you an incredulous look. Then I’ll shoot you.
She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
We fell in love like nobody’s business. I wish it was everyone’s business, so that I could have made money off it.
Everything I know about love, my cat taught me. It put its paw on my head and transferred all knowledge to me.
