Tucker: How's momma? Gilbert: She's fat. Tucker: Come on, man. She's not all that big, Gilbert. Gilbert: What? Tucker: Listen, I saw a guy at the state fair who was... a little bit bigger. Gilbert: A little bit bigger? Tucker: Look, all I'm sayin' is...
Tucker: All right... I know what this is. Dale: What? Tucker: This is a suicide pact. Dale: It's a what? Tucker: These kids are coming out here, and killing themselves all over the woods. Dale: My God, that makes so much sense.
Malcolm Tucker: Right. Was it you? Simon Foster: No, it wasn't. No. What? Malcolm Tucker: You do know what I'm talking about, don't you? Simon Foster: No. And... And... whatever it was, I almost certainly didn't do it. Malcolm Tucker: Was it you, the...
Tucker: [hands him a nail gun] Cover me. Dale: I ain't never shot at nobody before. Tucker: If it helps, think of 'em like moving two-by-fours.
Chad: [Comes up to Tucker, who is hanging upside down] I've never stood so close to pure evil before. Chad: [Sniffs close to Tucker's face] It kinda' stinks.
Allison: Wait, wait! Everyone just stop for a second and let's talk this out, okay? Nobody wants to hurt anyone. Tucker: [as he favors the hand with the fingers that Chad cut off] You could've fooled me! Chad: Fuck off, hillbilly! Tucker: Eat shit, b...
Tucker: He's heavy for half a guy.
Dale: That's a PBR Buddy. Tucker: That, that's a thing of beauty.
Tucker: [Dale is attracted to one of the college co-eds at the gas station, but hesitates to try to go talk to her] She's just human. Why don't you go over and talk to her? Dale: Talk to her? What... What in the world would I say? Tucker: I don't kno...
Tucker: "But she gave me the perfect gift." Clara: "What?" Tucker: "You.
Tucker: [whiping blood out of his eyes] Are you okay?
Tucker: Holy shit. We have go to hide all of the sharp objects!
We've all known a John Tucker. We've either known one, dated one or our best friend has dated one. I think a lot of men at one point or another have been a John Tucker.
Dale: [after seeing Tucker's fingers wrapped in his shirt] Oh my God, they cut off his bowling fingers!
Malcolm Tucker: [on the phone] Hi. BBC News Desk, please. Malcolm Tucker. Hi, Ben. Listen, I hear that you might be preparing a story that we might not like. Yeah, please. I just wanted to say, please, this garden-wall story, don't run with that. Sim...
Dale: How is he even walking right now, Tuck? Tucker: He looks like he's gonna walk it off, he's gonna be fine!
Tucker: When you see a college girl prancin' around in front of you half naked, you do not call out my name!
Tucker: "Today we ran into a mama grizzly with two cubs at the ridge off Colter Bay and Clara sang to it to make it go away." Mrs. Avery: You sang to it? Tucker: Her singing is that bad.
Malcolm Tucker: Hey, Foetusboy, Lesson One: I tell you to fuck off, what do you do? Toby Wright: Eff off? Malcolm Tucker: You'll go far, now fuck off.
Ben Wade: [to Tucker, who's holding his gun] Be careful with that thing. That gun's got a curse on it. [Tucker chuckles] Ben Wade: Laugh while you can.
Malcolm Tucker: You, hey, put the snifter out there that if the BBC ambushes a minister with another surprise question about the war, I'll drop a bomb on them. Judy: I can't do that, can I? That's political. Malcolm Tucker: Does that not fit within y...
