[At a meeting with the NBC executives] George Shapiro: Andy Kauffman is Tony Clifton. And Tony Clifton is Andy Kauffman. They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true!
Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea. Max Fischer: Yes, that's true. [pause] Max Fischer: But I've been out to sea for a long time.
Morris: Dots look good on paper. You don't sing them anyway, you're just showing your true Aries color now. Doyle: Stay out of my goddam face, you fucking buzzard!
Mattie Ross: I guess I have a $10 horse. Tell Col. Stonehill I said 'Thank you'. Stableboy: No ma'am. He said he don't never want to hear your name again!
Cross-examining Lawyer: You sprang from cover with revolver in hand? Rooster Cogburn: I did. Cross-examining Lawyer: Loaded and cocked? Rooster Cogburn: Well, if it ain't loaded and cocked, it don't shoot!
Rooster Cogburn: Is that him? Mattie Ross: I believe not. Rooster Cogburn: Oh, cut him down. Mattie Ross: [incredulous] Why? Rooster Cogburn: I might know him.
Rooster Cogburn: [looks up at the hanging corpse] Is it Cheney? Mattie Ross: I would not recognize the soles of his feet. Rooster Cogburn: Well, you'll have to clamber up and look. I'm too old and too fat.
Mattie Ross: [cutting the rope on the tree] Why did they hang him so high? Rooster Cogburn: I do not know. Possibly in the belief it'd make him more dead.
Mattie Ross: [anxiously watching four men riding to kill Rooster Cogburn] Shoot them, Mr. Laboeuf! LaBoeuf: [aiming his rifle] Too far. Movin' too fast.
Mattie Ross: There's an old song that says: One white foot buy 'em, two white feet try 'em, three white feet be on the sly, four white feet pass 'em by.
Mattie Ross: [Rooster and LaBoeuf gallop away from the ferry, leaving Mattie behind] Those horses can't get away from Little Blackie - they're loaded down with fat men and iron.
LaBoeuf: I wouldn't count too much on bein' able to shade somebody I didn't know, fella. Rooster Cogburn: [laughs] I ain't never seen nobody from Texas I couldn't shade.
Ned Pepper: [laughs] They will do it. Most girls like little play pretties, but you like guns, don't you? Mattie Ross: If I did I'd have one that worked.
[Chen Lee wins the game] Rooster Cogburn: You can never tell what's in a Chinaman's mind, that's the way he bests you at cards. [the front door bell rings] Chen Lee: I go.
Mattie Ross: [referring to the dead LaBoeuf] We cannot leave him like this. Rooster Cogburn: I'm the one that's leaving him. If I don't get you to a doctor you're going to be deader than he is!
[Morgan is fatally wounded in a gunfight] Morgan Earp: Remember what I said about people seein' a bright light before they die? It ain't true. I can't see a damn thing.
[In the Night Club after Drexel has beaten Clarence] Drexl Spivey: He must have thought it was white boy day. It ain't white boy day, is it? Marty: No man, It ain't white boy day.
Clarence Worley: [to Alabama, who's apprehensive about his gun] If there's one thing this last week has taught me, it's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.
Alabama: I'm gonna go jump in the tub and get all slippery and soapy and then hop in that waterbed and watch X-rated movies 'till you get your ass back in my lovn' arms.
Dick Ritchie: Clarence, do you have any idea how much coke you have here? Clarence Worley: Nope. Tell me. Dick Ritchie: I don't know, but it's a fuckin' lot.
Clarence Worley: Well, he ain't so much a good guy as he is just a bad mother fucker. I mean, he gets paid by people to fuck guys up.
