Quotes of: Titles Keyword

I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real.

This Book Has No Title

I would say exploit the stupid, because they’re expendable and loyal, but it’s a fact: politicians are not loyal.

This Book Has No Title

When the food runs out, the family reunion is over. It’s cool that out of all my relatives, I’m the only cannibal.

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Before job interviews, I think: What color tie best represents me as a person this company would be interested in?

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I let the feeling wash over me, and then I dried off with a fur coat and went for a walk on my unicycle.

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I thought it was a tree log, but it was just an erect elephant penis. But that didn’t stop me from trying to throw it on the campfire.

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The radio signal was scrambled, and so were my eggs. I got tired of eating commercial breaks for breakfast.

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There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots willing to trade it for worthless dollars. 

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I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.

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I want a house with a garage, so someone from the government won’t try to park a tank in my living room.

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The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along with the key to my hope chest.

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When I get to heaven, and I see a being of light, I’m going to ask him if he’s the urologist.

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I am who I pretend to be, and right now I’m pretending to be my own clone.

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It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.

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It’s better to err on the side of more, than less, except if you’re talking about killing people with the last name of Moore.

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Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nobody can see you’re naked. 

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All I know is I don’t know if I know, and this everlasting oscillation shakes my belief system.

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There should be a language called Nail, so I could more naturally say, “My nail is a bit rusty.

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I’m so excited and lonely all at once. Just once. Not twice, because that’d be a couple, and couple’s can’t be lonely. 

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I skimmed the pond scum with a spoon like broth in a soup bowl. Why does everything have to remind me of her?

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I put the men in mental. Well, me and my clones do. Alone I just put in the man.

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