Quotes of: Titles Keyword

-Is he dead?  -Gosh I hope so, because I went to a lot of trouble to dig his grave.

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Designing an airplane and modeling it after an ostrich is a stretch, but I’ve always been flexible.

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In the middle I want to be at the end, at the end I want to be in the beginning, and in the beginning I want to be in bed.

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To treat everyone equally is offensive, because it fails to recognize anyone as an individual.

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You can’t help who your parents are or aren’t. My parents aren’t—they don’t exist and have never existed.

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If I had a street named after me, it would really put me on the map.

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There are an infinite number of reasons to say no. Instead, try to focus on one good reason to say yes.

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I brush my teeth with a leg of fried chicken, and gravy is my toothpaste.

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I had to close the door on our friendship, because he kept climbing in through my window.

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I’ll name my town “Unwelcome,” and the sign will say, “Welcome to Unwelcome.

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I want a one-bedroom house with cup holders. I want to live in my car, and make the road my home.

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For me, it’s not about winning an award. It’s also about not even being nominated.

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Before I make you boss, I want to tattoo “Assistant” around your asshole.

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I’m in danger of losing my job as official scribe to my inner voice.

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The cool thing about unemployment is every day is Saturday.

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I kiss like a skyscraper meets the sky, only with less scraping and more vertigo.

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When the lights are about to burn out and start flickering, it’s like I’m blinking without blinking.

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Ears of corn can listen better than me when they’re still in the ground.

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Watching two cows have sex is the most magical experience at Cereal Land.

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I have a memory like a baseball glove, so please, don’t toss me a basketball-sized rumination.

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I threw out my sausage, and replaced it with a healthier penis metaphor, like a cucumber.

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