Jack Crabb: General, you go down there. General Custer: You're advising me to go into the Coulee? Jack Crabb: Yes sir. General Custer: There are no Indians there, I suppose. Jack Crabb: I didn't say that. There are thousands of Indians down there. An...
Olive: [going over eye test pamphlets] Mom, Dwayne's got 20/20 vision! Sheryl: I bet he does... Olive: Now, let's see if you're colorblind. [opens the pamphlet] Olive: What's the letter in the circle? [Dwayne looks confused] Olive: No in the circle. ...
Charlotte: [after Bob tells her of his back pain] I'm in pain, I got my foot banged up. Wanna see it? Bob: [to Chef, sarcastically] How do you say no? [sees the foot] Bob: Oh, my gosh! When did you do this? Charlotte: I did it the other day, it hurts...
Jack Valentine: Since you're so concerned with the law, you must know that I am legally permitted to hold you for 24 hours without charging you. You might ask why I would do that, and I can assure you it's not because I enjoy your company, because I ...
Sir Lancelot: [Sir Galahad the Chaste is being seduced by an entire castle full of young women] We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. Sir Galahad: I don't think I was. Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. Sir Galah...
Harvey Milk: Not a good time, Don. Paul: This is Paul. Don just gave me the phone. Harvey Milk: Paul who? Paul: You spoke to me on the phone, a year or so ago. I'm in a wheelchair. I'm from Minnesota. Harvey Milk: I thought you were a goner Paul. Pau...
Mushu: [stuffing breakfast into Mulan's mouth] No time to talk. Now remember, it's your first day of trainin', so listen to your teacher and no fightin', play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, one of the other kids wanna fight, then you ha...
Ephraim: We have 11 Palestinian names. Each had a hand in planning Munich. You're going to kill them, 11 men, one by one. They're all in Europe now. You'll stay there as long as it takes. Europe only, not the Arab countries. That's for us, not you. A...
Eddie Moscone: I'm goin' over to Chen Lu's for breakfast, I'll talk to you about it over there. Jack Walsh: Can I get my money first? Eddie Moscone: Of course. What, do you think I was gonna try to stiff you? Jack Walsh: You? Never. You would never t...
[after all the other Senators walk out] Jefferson Smith: Oh, Mr. President, we seem to be alone. I, I'm not complaining for a social reason; it's just, I think it'd be a pity if these gentlemen missed any of this, and... [Clarissa starts waving from ...
[from the 30th Anniversary Edition - additional scenes] Darlene Davies: So you don't think they'll find some kind of virus, or germ? Reverend John Hicks: No. Those creatures were demons, creatures of Satan inhabiting the bodies of our dead. And the d...
Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna hav...
[Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop] Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem? Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car! [Clark exits from the car] Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something? Motorcycle Cop: Shut...
Mechanic 2: Ain't never seen anyone so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. You musta got manure for your brains. Clark: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town. So, what's the bill? Come on, come on, how much? Mechanic 1: How much you got? Clark: ...
Jeannine: [In a McDonalds restaurant booth Conrad sits with Jeannine, the suicide attempt scars on Conrad's wrist are displayed] Did it hurt? Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I don't remember, really. Jeannine: You don't want to talk about it? Conrad "Con" Jarr...
King: [while cleaning the latrines] I'm too short for this shit, man. 39 and a wake-up, a pause for the cause and I'm a gone motherfucker. Back to the world! Crawford: Hey, I broke a hundred the other day, 92 left to go. April 17th, home to Californi...
[Jack sees Mr. Cotton's parot] Jack Sparrow: Well! I'm actually feeling rather good about this. I think we all arrived at a very special place eh? [Governor acts disgusted] Jack Sparrow: Spiritually. Ecumenically. Grammatically. [Walks over to Common...
Cornwall Cousins: Charles, is Jack Barry single? Charles Van Doren: I think so. Cornwall Cousins: My roommate has a huge crush on him, she wants you to introduce her. Cornwall Cousins: What's Dave Garroway like? Charles Van Doren: Cheap. Cornwall Aun...
Glen: How many Polacks it take to screw up a lightbulb? H.I.: I don't know, Glen. One? Glen: Nope, it takes three. [Glen laughs. H.I. doesn't] Glen: Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin' over: How come it takes three Polacks to screw up ...
Dot: [GASPS after seeing Nathan Jr] What's his name? Ed McDonnough: Uh... Hi... Hi Junior, till we think of a better one. Dot: Why don't ya call him Jason? l just love biblical names. If I had another little boy, I'd name him Jason, Caleb or Tab. [GA...
H.I.: That night, I had a dream. I drifted off thinking about happiness, birth and new life, But now I was haunted by a vision of... He was horrible. The lone biker of apocalypse. A man with all the powers of Hell at his command. He could turn turn t...
