As a comedian, I am obligated to tell you the truth, my truth. To share with you my beliefs, my perspective. And I think that we forget sometimes that that's the oath that comics take, that we will go up and share everything - the irreverent, the sca...
I can cite numerous sponsors at different places in my career that made a huge difference for me just in terms of pulling me aside and giving me a tip or some coaching, or just watching what I was doing and not being afraid to tell me the truth about...
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smilin...
I don't buy trends, because the pieces don't last and I wind up never wearing them. That's why I like to shop with my children; they'll always tell me the truth.
[last lines] Coraline Jones: Welcome, Miss Lovat! Wybie's Grandmother: Oh, hello. Coraline Jones: I'm Coraline Jones. I've got so much to tell you.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Spare me the sermon, vicar! Just tell me how I can kill him!... I mean, it.
Rayon: This guy says that the Florida Buyers Club is cheaper. Ron Woodroof: Well then, tell him to go back to the FUCKIN' SUNSHINE STATE!
Donnie: [taking a cigarette] What happens if tell Mom and Dad about this, Sam? Samantha Darko: You'll put Ariel in the garbage disposal. Donnie: Goddamn right I will.
Grace: There's a family with kids. Do the kids and make the mother watch. Tell her you'll stop if she can hold back her tears. I *owe* her that.
The Mayor: Well where are you going? The Killer: I'll tell the pilot when I get on the plane. No alerts, nothing. The Mayor: I guarantee you you will not be molested in any way.
Harry Block: Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Waitressing's gotta be the worst fucking job in the world.
[Ed just killed a man believed to be the second rapist] Bobby: That's him? I mean... he wasn't just some guy out hunting, was it? Ed: [shouts] You tell me!
Klaatu: I won't resort to threats, Mr. Harley. I merely tell you the future of your planet is at stake.
Henry Barthes: [DOUBLETHINK is on the blackboard, from Orwell's "1984". When none of the students knows what it means he tells them] It's deliberately believing in lies while knowing they're false.
Alex: Please tell me, is the Shaq also the Jew? Jonathan: Who? Alex: The Shaqweel O'Neal, the Los Angeles Laker. Jonathan: Uh, no. Alex: And Michael Jackson? Jonathan: [Scoffs] *No*, definitely not a Jew.
Elizabeth: Just tell me why. Lord Robert: Why? Madam, is it not plain enough to you? 'Tis no easy thing to be loved by the queen. It would corrupt the soul of any man.
[Kevin has brought Edward to his class for show and tell] Kevin: One chop to a guy's neck, and it's all over. [Edward does a karate pose; the class gasps in unison]
Abbie Hoffman: Tell us a little bit about the war, man. Forrest Gump: The war in Vietnam? Abbie Hoffman: [to audience] War in Viet-Fucking-Nam! [Audience cheers]
El Indio: [to prison guard he hasn't killed] I'm letting you live, hero. That way you can tell everyone what takes place here.
Galloway: Tell your friend not to get cute down there, the Marines at Gitmo are fanatical. Lt. Weinberg: Fanatical about what? Galloway: About being Marines.
Marlin: [Inside the Orca Whale] I have to get out of here! I have to find MY SON! I have to tell him... how!... old!... sea turtles are! [Sobs]
