Sara: This is a Remington 870. One blast could cut you the fuck in half. Joe: In half. Yeah, that's telling. You're holding a gun, I say I'm not afraid, so you describe the gun to me. It's not the gun I'm not afraid of.
Saruman: We must join with Him, Gandalf. We must join with Sauron. It would be wise, my friend. Gandalf: Tell me, "friend", when did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?
Bilbo: [voice] It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to.
Shelby Carpenter: I forgot to tell you, I also read palms, I swallow swords, I mend my own socks, I never eat garlic or onions, what more could you want of a man?
Pageant Assistant Pam: [as Dwayne walks by] Are you authorized to be here? Dwayne: No. Dwayne: [to girl in hallway] Where are the dressing rooms? Girl in Hallway: Are you allowed to be here? Dwayne: Just tell me where the dressing rooms are!
[first lines] Flint: All right, Mr. Bile, is it? Bile: Uh, my friends call me Phlem. Flint: Uh-huh, Mr. Bile, can you tell me what you did wrong? Bile: I fell down?
Natalie: You know what? I think I'm gonna use you. I'm telling you now because I'll enjoy it so much more if I know that you could stop me if you weren't such a fucking freak!
Christopher "Chris" Wilton: [standing on the ledge on his new flat] Did I tell you, I'm scared of heights? Chloe Hewett Wilton: Really? Christopher "Chris" Wilton: Yeah Chloe Hewett Wilton: Well that could become a problem
[before boarding a plane] Jonathan Mardukas: I just wanna tell you that I have fear of flying. Marvin Dorfler: Well, why don't you just relax and sleep through it? [Marvin punches Jonathan, knocking him out]
Doris: Would you please tell her that you're not really Santa Claus, that actually is no such person? Kris Kringle: Well, I hate to disagree with you, but not only IS there such a person, but here I am to prove it.
Rusty: [impersonating a doctor] I'm sorry. He's gone. Virgil Malloy: [as he and Turk enter, impersonating paramedics] Man, I told you to run. Turk Malloy: Don't do that. Virgil Malloy: What, I didn't tell you to run?
Mi-do: Dae Su. In front of me is some kind of box. He's telling me to open it. It's the same violet box... Dae-su Oh: No! No Mi-do don't. Don't open it no matter what. Or something terrible will happen.
Boss Spearman: It ain't right to walk away without a word. Charley Waite: Well what do you want me to tell her, Boss? We probably ain't gonna make it? Be a big fat comfort.
Pappy O'Daniel: I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted sumbitch! You don't tell your pappy how to court the electorate. We ain't one-at-a-timin' here. We're MASS communicating!
Fletcher: He's [Josey] Fletcher: has got the first move And I'd tell him. Josey Wales: What's that? Fletcher: That the war is over. Josey Wales: I reckon we all lost a little bit in that damn war.
Del: I guess this is probably a good time as any to tell you this. Our tickets are only good to St. Louis. St. Louis to Chi-town is booked tighter than Tom Thumb's ass.
Sgt. Barnes: You don't tell me how to run my war, Elias! Now you go cryin' and rat-fuckin' the brigade on your own time, but out here, you belong to me! Now move! Sgt. Elias: You're an asshole, Barnes.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: It's an honor to have had my hand crushed by 'Wyoming' Bill Kelso. Wait until I tell them back home. [winces, then sticks his hand in ice that contains caviar] Hrundi V. Bakshi: [Sniffs] Poo...
Macaulay Connor: [telling off Sidney Kidd, his boss] Quote: No hunter of buckshot in the rear is cagey, crafty Connor. Un-quote. Close paragraph. Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: Close job. Close bank account.
[Toht prepares to torture Marion with a hot poker] Marion: Wait, wait! I can be reasonable! Toht: That time has passed. Marion: You don't need that. I'll tell you everything! Toht: Yes, I know you will.
Dick Jones: Every policeman knows when he joins the force that there are certain inherent risks that come with the territory. Ask any cop, he'll tell ya, "If you can't stand the heat, you better stay out of the kitchen."
