Quick! What aisle are the douches in? I've got three bitches at the beach cottage and they all stick to high heaven."... "You do carry Massengill, don't you? That's the best brand, according to my research." "Ah..." What kind of man researches douche...
When you grow up the way I do, and the biggest thing in your life so far has been getting dunked in a glass tank by a man who acts like he’s mugging you but says instead he’s saving your soul, then celebrating your soul mugging at Sizzler with yo...
I had a vision. I lay half asleep in the dirt. The sunset Behind the hills and burnt my skin. And in the dream I saw a throne--my throne, Built on the tower of my life. When I woke all I could think of was my Vision, etched so clearly on my mind. I w...
Mr. Lisbon knew his parental and neighborly duty entailed putting the retainer in a Ziploc bag, calling the Kriegers, and telling them their expensive orthodontal device was in safe keeping. Acts like theses -- simple, humane, conscientious, forgivin...
Bruce Wayne: Have you told anyone I'm coming back? Alfred Pennyworth: Well, I just couldn't figure the legal ramifications of bringing you back from the dead. Bruce Wayne: Dead? Alfred Pennyworth: You've been gone seven years. Bruce Wayne: You had me...
We lived only to dance. What was the true characteristic of a queen, I wondered later on; and you could argue that forever. “What do we all have in common in this group?” I once asked a friend seriously, when it occurred to me how slender, how im...
Nearly all runners do their slow runs too fast, and their fast runs too slow." Ken Mierke says. "So they're just training their bodies to burn sugar, which is the last thing a distance runner wants. You've got enough fat stored to run to California, ...
The two women did more than resolve a major problem, they went on to form a political alliance and launch a coup. Cixi was twenty-five years old and Empress Zhen a year younger. Facing them were eight powerful men in control of the state machine. The...
Hood 1: Hey, who do you think you are, huh? Garth: Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him. Hub: [to Garth] Right. [Grabs Hood 1 by the throat] Hub: I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thou...
Sefton: I told you boys I'm no escape artist. For the first time, I like the odds, because now I got me a decoy. Hoffy: What's the decoy? Sefton: Price. When I go, I want you to give me five minutes - exactly five minutes - to get Dunbar out of that ...
Acknowledgements! My thanks to Hollywood When you showed me John Rambo Stitching up his arm with no anaesthetic And giving them “a war they won’t believe” I knew then my calling, the job for me Thanks also to the recruitment adverts For showing...
New Rule: Since Glenn Beck is clearly onto us, liberals must launch our plan for socialist domination immediately. Listen closely, comrades, I've received word from General Soros and our partners in the UN--Operation Streisand is a go. Markos Moulits...
Day-um." He whistled, keeping his voice low as he looked up and down my body. The tiny shorts and tank left very little to the imagination. "You look hot," he growled and came at me. I backed up a step and he caught me around the waist. Both of us fe...
I was never attracted to big things―convertible Porsche's, mansions, fame, and money. I always found those things to be repulsive and energy-draining. Give me the gutters, the junkyards, the bars, the liquor stores, the grimy graffiti-ridden back a...
Doc Jay: Cowboy! Private Cowboy: What? Doc Jay: We can't leave him out there! Private Cowboy: We're not leaving. We'll get him when the tank comes up. Doc Jay: He's hit three fuckin' times, he can't wait that long! Private Cowboy: I've seen this befo...
Trini 'Gordo' Garcia: In France, we hit the beach right after D-Day and fought through all those fucking hedgerows. We finally broke out into open country. And bypassed all these Kraut divisions. We linked up with the Canadians and British and trappe...
Eddie Valiant: [after discovering the flattened Doom getting up and wobbling to his feet] Holy smoke, he's a Toon! Judge Doom: Surprised? Eddie Valiant: Not really. That lame-brained freeway idea could only be cooked up by a Toon. Judge Doom: Not jus...
Mr Bott sits down and gestures gracefully to the board. "As you are clearly both fascinated by this text, would you like to explain the significance of Laertes in ?" He looks at Alexa. "Please go first, Miss Roberts." "Well..." Alexa says hesitantly....
Well,' I said. 'I could strip off my clothes and reveal to you that under my jeans and sweatshirt I'm actually wearing a tank top and short-shorts, much like Lara Croft from ...only mine are flame-retardant and covered in glow-in-the-dark dinosaur st...
Michael Ledeen—a contributing editor of and a Freedom Scholar at the influential neoconservative think tank American Enterprise Institute—wrote on the blog in November 2006: 'I had and have no involvement with our Iraq policy'. I opposed the mili...
This work is the link between my Dear Natalie piece and my upcoming Agatha work. It bridges that lapse in time and shows how my thinking has changed. It shows me telling a story through the surreal and trying to use thought fragments alone to show a ...
