Vanilla has become too genericized. It’s become standard, which is good. Vanilla is a household name. But the same standardization that’s made it so popular has taken the novelty out of it. Being the vanguard of ice cream has vanquished its radic...
I am Oscar Wilde’s reversible underwear. I am John Wayne’s rusty six-shooter. I am William Shakespeare’s identity crisis. I am a kiss delivered Priority Mail, to a girl named Agatha, by me dressed as a mailman.
Freud was a fraud, but he’d probably think I have a complex of some kind. Anal, oral, Orafoural, etc. While most kids wanted to grow up to be an astronaut, one of Barbara Streisand’s bras, a priest in sheep’s clothing, or an IRS employee, I alw...
You know, if a waitress asks me if I want ketchup with my fries, I’ll reply, “No thanks, I’ll just drink water.” And that’s not just a statement about table etiquette; it’s a personal quote that accurately reflects my moral and philosophi...
The pockmarked and chalk-white sidewalk was like the surface of the moon, and I felt like Neil Armstrong as I walked along in my space boots and white helmet with my visor flipped down. Of course in zero gravity, Neil probably had a more impressive e...
I can’t write anymore. My words are paper airplanes tenuously gliding towards the dust. The wonder of the Phoenicians, which throughout the latter part of this entry I have not fully comprehended, is getting vaguer still. Where did this feather in ...
For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk and we learned to listen. Speech has allowed the communication of ideas, enabling human beings to wor...
Talking doesn't get your rice cooked.
Talking without thinking is shooting without aiming.
When a woman talks to you, smile but do not listen.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
When money is talking, the rest of the world shuts up.
One must talk little, and listen a lot.
He who talks to a mule is one himself.
A talkative bird will not build a nest.
Do not talk about a rhinoceros if there is no tree nearby.
[Three seperate situations happening at the same time] Coach Boone: [Talking to official] Ref! He's lining up offsides! Look, he's *lining* up offsides! Official: [ignoring Coach Boone] Coach Ed Henry: [talking to player] Twins right, 99 Z. Go! Coach...
Don’t talk while you’re talking. It interrupts me.
No matter who I'm talking to, I always talk like I'm doing an interview.
I talk in that baby talk voice when I'm on TV, it's a put on.
Republicans prefer straight talk to politically correct talk!
