Lorenzo St. DuBois: [singing] And I give a flower to the big fat cop / He takes his club and he beats me up / I give a flower to the garbage man / He stuffs my girl in the garbage can / And I give it to the landlord when the rent comes 'round / He th...
The landlord: He who signs a lease must pay rent. That's the law. Max Bialystock: You miserable wretch! How dare you take the last penny out of a poor man's pocket? The landlord: I have to. I'm a landlord. Max Bialystock: [to God] Oh, Lord, hear my p...
Hold me, Touch me: I heard the Count fired you this morning - watch the road, watch the road. Max Bialystock: [stops making car noises] Oh, Countess, I can't take my eyes off you! How can I drive when you drive me mad? Mad! [continues making car nois...
Dodge Landon: Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape! Caesar: NO! Rodney: [looks at Caesar while he pulls the tranq-gun back and softly] Oh, my God. Buck: [looks at Caesar and softly] Oh-oh-oh. Caesar: [grunts and looks at the other apes w...
[at the police station] Slimey Lawyer: Attempted murder? Well, it's not like he killed someone. This is a clear violation of my client's civil rights. Bail Bondsman: Make it aggravated assault and I can make bail, in cash, now! Sgt. Reed: [angrily] L...
Nice Guy Eddie: The chick got tired of him beatin' her so one night she walks in the guys bedroom and super glues his dick to his belly. Ambulance came and had to cut the prick loose. Mr. White: Was he all pissed off? Nice Guy Eddie: How would you fe...
Joe Bradley: Tell you what. Why don't we do all those things, together? Princess Ann: But don't you have to work? Joe Bradley: Work? No. Today's gonna be a holiday. Princess Ann: But you want to do a lot of silly things? Joe Bradley: [He takes her ha...
Charlie: [on phone with Raymond's place] Dr. Bruner, it's Charlie Babbitt. Dr. Bruner: Where are you, son? Charlie: That's not important. What matters is who I'm with. Dr. Bruner: You have to bring him back, Mr. Babbitt. Do you understand me? Charlie...
[Raymond is afraid of riding in a car on the freeway] Charlie: Hey Ray, I got a great idea. Stay in front of the car until we get off the exit, you'll get in and we'll take a not so dangerous road, whatever that might me. Is that an idea? Raymond: Ye...
[in a letter to Max] Dirk Calloway: Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when...
Herman Blume: [on Max's offering a small box] What's this? [Herman opens it and looks] Max Fischer: That's the Perfect Attendance Award and the Punctuality Award. I got those at Rushmore. I thought you could choose which one you like more, and you co...
Remy: Hey, I brought you something to... [sees Emile eating garbage] Remy: AH! NO, NO, NO, NO! SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW! [Emile obeys] Remy: [sighs] I have *got* to teach you about food. Close your eyes. [Emile obeys; Remy holds out piece of cheese] R...
Gusteau: [as Remy is about to steal a piece of bread] What are you doing? Remy: [groans] I'm hungry! I don't know where I am and I don't know when I'll find food again... Gusteau: Remy, you are better than that. You are a cook! A cook makes! A thief ...
Bertier: Hey, Julius I was thinking we could... Ronnie "Sunshine" Bass: He's taking a shower. Bertier: What do you want, man? Ronnie "Sunshine" Bass: You know what I want. [kisses him and Gary starts trying to punch him. The team is holding Gary back...
Jerry Wexler: Ruth Brown's got a tour booked in Georgia. She needs a band. Ray Charles: I'll take it. I could write the charts for her, I could do backup, and I could also be an opening act. Ahmet Ertegun: Okay. But you're gonna be financially respon...
Grace: Mason, you have no idea what I'm going through right now. Mason: Then tell me. That's how this works. You talk to me about it so that I can take your hand and fucking walk through this shit with you. That is what I signed up for, Okay? But I c...
[in Japanese] Zeniba: I'd like to help you, dear, but there's nothing I can do. It's one of our rules here. You've got to take care of your parents and that dragon boyfriend of yours, on your own. Chihiro: But, um, can't you even give me a hint? I fe...
IRS Agent Stewart: Your income, Mr Court, hasn't changed substantially in seventeen years. Jim Court: That's right. IRS Agent Stewart: Why would you stay so long with an operation that is so clearly not a growth enterprise? Jim Court: Taking care of ...
Joe Gillis: [who has just has a visit from two men trying to repossess his car] [narrating] Joe Gillis: I was way ahead of the finance company. I knew they'd be becoming around and I wasn't taking any chances. So I kept it across the street in a park...
Karl: I don't reckon you have to go with women to be a good daddy to a boy. You been real square-dealin' with me. The Bible says two men ought not lay together. But I don't reckon the Good Lord would send anybody like you to Hades. That Frank, he liv...
Ginty: [Ginty turns over in bed and sees Margaret staring at her coldly from outside her bedroom] Mother! Margaret Goff: [Referring the hidden pain killers and Goff] I knew you give them to him. Take care of your sisters. Ginty: [Shocked] No! Margare...
