Quotes of: Susan Keyword

The sky smashed into my face, but I didn’t say anything, because aside from a warm breeze, I didn’t feel anything.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I couldn't decide whether to take a nap or not, so I did what I always do when thinking over a decision—I slept on it.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I have a hidden talent. I hid it in the dungeon. Why don’t you go down there and have a look at it? I’ll lock up after you.


The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

When she walked out of my life, I raced after her. I was scrambling like scrambled eggs that were runny.


The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

Poverty is a great evil, but to a woman of education and feeling it ought not, it cannot be the greatest.—I would rather be a teacher at a school (and I can think of nothing worse) than marry a man I did not like.

Lady Susan, The Watsons, Sanditon

Detective Susan Avery: Mr. Mill, have you been going to detective school? Griffin Mill: No, actually, we're doing a... a movie right now, called Lonely Room, and Scott Glenn plays a detective much like yourself. Detective Susan Avery: Is he a black w...

The Player

David Huxley: [David is trying to prove to Susan that she's playing his ball] You see, a PGA has two black dots and a Cro-Flight has a circle. Susan Vance: Mm-hmm. I'm not superstitious about things like that.

Bringing Up Baby

The Internet is a collective hallucination: one of the best humanity has ever generated.

Jonathan Zittrain

Most people assume because my name is Jarod that I was born Martha proof. But I'm not Martha proof—I'm merely Martha resistant up to 100 meters.


The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

God gave man feet for which to walk. And crush grapes. Can I get you a glass of wine? It’s homemade, though it kind of smells funky.


The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I wasn’t around when Kennedy got shot. Not being born yet is a pretty good alibi. Still, if the cops ask where I was, tell them I was with you.


The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I'm no gumshoe, but I think I have gum on my shoe. Either that or I'm stuck in place because I'm afraid to take the first step in a new direction.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I had a dream about you. You were two chickens away from being duck soup, and I was a fork and a knife shy of being able to eat you.


The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

If I were named Brad Pitt, I’d thank the actor by the same name, because due to his hard work and handsomeness, I’d be famous.


The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

There’s late, there’s fashionably late, and then there’s me, who’s always unfashionably late. If the party starts at 8:00 on March 5th, I’ll be there at 8:00 on March 5th—the following year.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

She asked me if I had a light. I asked her if she was a wizard. She said no, so I felt safe in pulling out my pocket dragon.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I still have wagon splinters stuck to my ass, from when my high school coach made me ride the bench.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

There’s a hurricane coming to Florida, and there will be high winds. I should probably turn off my ceiling fans, to try to mitigate the billions of dollars in damages the storm will incur.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I am the Hooray Distributor. Hold your hands flat, not like begging for money, but as if you’re about to applaud. Now clap, damn you.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

My last two girlfriends were named Anna, though the second one spelled her name backwards. So instead of Anna, it was spelled Anna, and that's how I came to tell the two apart.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I never heard back from her after our first date, so either she’s dead, or she rejected me. I wonder where her funeral was held.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You