Yesterday I donated blood. It wasn’t my blood—I found it in a discarded tampon.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouI often think about a life of crime. But alas, politics isn’t for me.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouMy son’s name will be Sonya, like his mother, whose name will be Dadya.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouI can spot a polka dot dress from hundreds of circles away.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouI planted the seed in her imagination, and then I farmed it. Like a fisherman.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouEverybody thinks they’re different—and they are—but they all demand to be treated the same. Why?
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouI left my money somewhere, probably in your wallet. Let me check.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouIt’s not easy to run in such a way that makes it look like you’re walking.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouGloves are condoms for the hands. My bare handshake might impregnate you.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouJ is the sexiest letter, followed closely by a,r,o,d, and then k,i,n,t,z.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouMy voice smells like a shout. Especially when I eat silence.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouI shot a deaf man. And just to be sure, I used a silencer.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit YouMr. Armstrong has strong arms. Probably from bicycling so much. And steroids.
The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You