And out came an insult with the velocity of a whisper. But I could see I offended, so I zipped up my pants and left the wedding reception.
Learning how to love is like learning how to tie your shoes, and that’s precisely why I wear slippers.
I feel like the boy who cried wolf, even though I know even less about politics.
It’s still masturbation if your clone gives you a hand job. It’s also a lot like being a member of Congress.
His first name is Brooks, but his last name isn’t. His last name is Wrinkled, unlike his shirt (he isn’t wearing one).
I went to school to be a comedian. I was always cracking jokes in class. And after they were cracked, the teacher would try to put them back together.
I remember the good old days. You must remember the good old days, because they were the days with the long white beards.
I’ll bet if I write a sentence and mention the word “edit,” people will slow down and scour my words for errors. Did it wrok?
Sadly, I have to admit, my timing sucks. Not the best - or most romantic - idea to tell your woman "I love you" for the first time whilst impaling the crap out of her.
I'm sorry, Cullen. I really am. I know this sucks. But you're better off anyway. And you'll be fine. You needed me. Now someone else needs me.
Some days are hard on us. Life gets serious and shit sucks. But you're my favorite distraction, attraction and human being. And, I can't wait to love you more tomorrow.
How can you say that so casually? You're talking about the possible death of hundreds of people, yourself included." He gave a negligent shrug. "Wrong place, wrong time. Life sucks.
We're all guilty of saying insincere things at one point or another, if only just to make the moment not totally suck as much as it truly does.
Once humans traded their hunter-gatherer existences for more settled communities, we began a quest to make our lives better and more comfortable, but we've also been sucking precious finite resources from our environment ever since.
At an incredibly divisive point in pop history, Donna Summer managed to create an undeniable across-the-board experience of mass pleasure - after 'Bad Girls,' nobody ever tried claiming disco sucked again. It set the template for what Michael Jackson...
Now that I finally have the time for it, this web surfing stuff turns out to be as interesting and fun and addictive as you've all been telling me. Zipping from link to link, chasing an idea across the noosphere, sucking up information like a killer ...
Directing a movie is a little bit like being back in student government and putting on the homecoming dance. You're like, 'You put up the streamers, and you hire the DJ, and you get the punch bowl.' Some people are just like, 'This dance sucks.' And ...
I remember being, like, 5 years old, and my dad took me to a Yankees-Mets game. My dad had me on his shoulders and taught me one of the most important lessons about sports. He said, 'Jesse, just remember one thing, the Mets suck.'
Growing up sucks, doesn't it? I understand why people wouldn't want to get old - but it'd be one thing if we became a culture obsessed with eating right, doing yoga, going to therapy and becoming at one with ourselves. That be great. But we don't do ...
Many of the benefits from keeping terrorism fear levels high are obvious. Private corporations suck up massive amounts of Homeland Security cash as long as that fear persists, while government officials in the National Security and Surveillance State...
We had to go all through the night thinking that our baby was dead. When God showed him to us, he wasn't dead, he was sucking his thumb. God had him safe and sound. He is a miracle. He is so healthy, so perfect, and God has really, really blessed us.
