C. K. Dexter Haven: I'm sorry, but I thought I better hit you before he did. He's in better shape than I am. Macaulay Connor: Well you'll do!
Macaulay Connor: [telling off Sidney Kidd, his boss] Quote: No hunter of buckshot in the rear is cagey, crafty Connor. Un-quote. Close paragraph. Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: Close job. Close bank account.
[Liz screams as Uncle Willie pinches her on the rear] Macaulay Connor: Don't DO that! Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: I... I feel exactly as though I'd been pinched. Seth Lord: Don't you think you weren't.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: We've come for the body of Macaulay Connor. C. K. Dexter Haven: I'm so glad you came. Can you use a typewriter? Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: No, thanks, I've got one at home.
Uncle Willie: [leering at Liz] Ah Ms. Embry, you're a vision of lovliness. May I offer you a cocktail? Or champagne? Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: Oh champagne, I've never had enough. Uncle Willie: You will... tonight.
Uncle Willie: [hung over, moans as the pony cart Dinah's driving hits a bump] Dinah Lord: What's wrong? Uncle Willie: Oh, nothing, nothing. My head just fell off, that's all.
Macaulay Connor: [drunk] I bring you greetings and Cinderella's slipper, champagne. Champagne is a great leveleler... leveleler. It makes you my equal. C. K. Dexter Haven: Not quite. Macaulay Connor: Well, almost my equal.
Macaulay Connor: [after Tracy has declined his last-minute marriage proposal] But they're in there! They're waiting! Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: Don't get too conventional all at once, will you? There'll be a reaction.
Seth Lord: What most wives fail to realize is that their husband's philandering has nothing whatever to do with them. Tracy Lord: Oh? Then what has it to do with? Seth Lord: A reluctance to go grow old, I think.
Macaulay Connor: C.K. Dexter Haven, what kind of a name is that? Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: Macaulay Connor is no homespun tag, my pet. Macaulay Connor: Yeah, well you just try calling him Macaulay.
Harold Crick: You have to understand that this isn't a philosophy or a literary theory or a story to me. It's my life. Professor Jules Hilbert: Absolutely. So just go make it the one you've always wanted.
M: Is this where you grew up? James Bond: Mm. M: How old were you when they died? James Bond: You know the answer to that. You know the whole story. M: Orphans always make the best recruits.
Squints: [Squints is about to tell a story] Quiet! Are you trying to wake it up. It just went to bed! Smalls: [quite loudly] What just went to bed? All: SHH! [whispering] All: The Beast. Smalls: [louder] Oh yeah! All: SHHHH!
Cole Sear: Tell me the story about why you're sad. Malcolm Crowe: You think I'm sad? [Cole nods] Malcolm Crowe: What makes you think that? Cole Sear: Your eyes told me.
Kim Pine: Believe it or not I used to date Scott in high school. Ramona V. Flowers: Oh? Do you have any embarrassing stories? Kim Pine: [laughs sarcastically] Yeah... he's an idiot!
[Mr. Potato Head watches hopefully as Andy open birthday presents] Mr. Potato Head: Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head... hey, I can dream, can't I?
Sergeant: Molly's first present is... Mrs. Potato Head! Repeat, a Mrs. Potato Head! Hamm: Way to go, Ida-ho! Mr. Potato Head: Gee, I'd better shave! [pulls off his moustache]
Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me. Slinky Dog: We believe you, Woody. Right, Rex? Rex: Well, I mean, uh, I don't like confrontations!
Woody: [asking a Magic 8 ball] Will Andy pick me? [Shakes the ball and flips to see the answer:] Woody: 'Don't count on it'? Awwww! Arrrgh! [throws the ball down, then it falls down a crack between the table and the wall]
[Rose is telling the story of how she and Jack met] Lewis Bodine: Wait a second. You were going to kill youself by jumping off of the Titanic? [laughing hysterically] Lewis Bodine: All you had to do was wait two days!
Fenster: I don't know anything about no fuckin? truck. Interrogation Cop: Oh, yeah? Well, your friend McManus told us a different story altogether. Fenster: Oh, is that the one about the hooker with the dysentery?
