Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and the...
My view of writing "Coldest Girl in Coldtown" was to take every single thing that I loved from every vampire book I had ever read and dump it into one book--everything I like--trying to evoke some of the decadence… Vampires are a high-class monster...
Isn’t it so weird how the number of dead people is increasing even though the earth stays the same size, so that one day there isn’t going to be room to bury anyone anymore? For my ninth birthday last year, Grandma gave me a subscription to Natio...
Mowgli: [to King Louie] What do you want me for? King Louie: Word has grabbed my royal ear... Have a banana. [he pops a banana neatly out of its skin and into Mowgli's mouth] King Louie: ... that you want to stay in the jungle. Mowgli: [his mouth ful...
Leah: Yo Yo Yiggady Yo. Juno MacGuff: I'm at suicide risk. Leah: Juno? Juno MacGuff: No, it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting? Leah: Only the one in my pants... Juno MacGuff: I'm pregnant. Leah: What? Honest to blog? Juno M...
Hannibal Lecter: Tell me, Senator: did you nurse Catherine yourself? Senator Ruth Martin: What? Hannibal Lecter: Did you breast-feed her? Paul Krendler: Now wait a minute... Senator Ruth Martin: Yes, I did. Hannibal Lecter: Toughened your nipples, di...
Sally: I saw a film the other day about syphilis. Ugh! It was too awful. I couldn't let a man touch me for a week. Is it true you can get it from kissing? Fritz: Oh, yes. And your king, Henry VIII, got it from Cardinal Wolsey whispering in his ear. N...
Elias: Randal... [Holds up onion ring] Elias: "One ring to rule them all." Randal Graves: And you wonder why no chick'll let you stick your cock in her. Elias: I never wondered that. Randal Graves: Yeah, 'cause you've accepted the fact that you'll ne...
Ida 'Big Momma' Pollitt: What's all this about? Gooper Pollitt: Doc, Big Mama wants the whole truth about the report we got from the clinic today. Margaret "Maggie" Pollitt: The truth, the truth! Everybody keeps hollering about the truth. Well, the t...
Ace Rothstein: [voice-over] Before I ever ran a casino or got myself blown up, Ace Rothstein was a helluva handicapper, I can tell you that. I was so good that when I bet, I can change the odds for every bookmaker in the country. I'm serious. I had i...
Steve Rogers: Attention all S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, this is Steve Rogers. You're heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it's time to tell the truth. S.H.I.E.L.D. is not what we thought it ...
Natasha Romanoff: I know who killed Fury. Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists. The ones that do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited over two dozen assassinations in the last 50 years. Steve Rogers: So he's a ghost stor...
[from the Extended and Deleted Scenes. The class is discussing "Watership Down"] Karen Pommeroy: When the other rabbits hear of Fiver's vision, do they believe him? Donnie: Why should we care? Karen Pommeroy: Because the rabbits are us, Donnie. Donni...
John McClane: [Getting out a pack of cigarettes] Do you smoke? Hans Gruber: [while mimicing a hostage] Yeah. [McClane hands him the pack of cigarettes] Hans Gruber: Thanks. Now, you don't work for Nakatomi, and you're not one of them. John McClane: I...
The Jackal: What about the French documents? The Forger: French identity card's all right. The other one, I don't think I've ever seen what they look like, let alone copy it. I'll have to get a colleague of mine in France to pick someone's pocket so ...
The Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "accordi...
Tony Wendice: How do you go about writing a detective story? Mark Halliday: Well, you forget detection and concentrate on crime. Crime's the thing. And then you imagine you're going to steal something or murder somebody. Tony Wendice: Oh, is that how...
Gru: Clearly we need to set some rules. Rule number one: You will not touch ANYTHING. Margo: Aha. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air. Edith: What about this? [holds a ra...
Uncle Ed: What's this I hear from Stephanie about you becoming a policeman? Billy Costigan: You mean Stephanie, who was the only one who came to my father's funeral? That Stephanie? Uncle Ed: Yeah, *that* Stepanie. Billy Costigan: Nothing much to it,...
Manny Cussins: I hired you to do this job because I think you're the best young manager in this country. Brian Clough: Thank you. I'm the best old one, too. Manny Cussins: I also did it under the assumption that you would be coming here wanting the b...
Adam Trask: [Adam gives Cal the bible to read] Start at the fifth verse. Verse 5. Cal Trask: [Cal begins to read... ] "I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord and thou f...
