Quotes of: Story-books Keyword

I make love like a flamethrower would make a good ice machine. But that’s OK, because I like ice water.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The two sisters wouldn’t sleep with me. But it’s cool, because they were nuns, and I didn’t have my clerical costume on.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When sex is Freon any occasion, it usually involves something dripping and toxic. At least that's what my mechanic tells me.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I made love with a cute woman yesterday. I would have made love with a gorgeous woman, but she was more expensive.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m a person, you’re a person, and we should make love. That is, if you’re a person who’s also roughly ½ of the population known as women.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I make love like the desert. Ever implemented a cactus during foreplay?

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I would have sex in the backseat of my car, but from back there, how would I be able to hit the brakes? Or steer the vehicle?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Me mating with a midget is like a skyscraper having sex with a cathedral. But still I’d like to try. Just not while mass is in session.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I’m having sex during an earthquake, would I get a refund on all those quarters I just put in the vibrating bed?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

For breakfast I want a bowl of sugar with some corn flakes sprinkled on top. Then I want to make sweet love to you.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I enjoy breakfast in bed. But not while I am sleeping, because that’s when I’m making love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

It was a dumb mistake, sleeping with her, and I learned from the experience. Still, I’d gladly make the same mistake tonight if she calls.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ve felt alone, cold, and clothed in shame for too long. Let the sunlight be my blanket, wardrobe, and toilet paper.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I did something so stupid last night that I can’t even speak about it today. I took a vow of silence.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I said it unto him who isn’t, and he wisely said nothing. Sometimes saying nothing is saying more than enough.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

In complete silence you can’t hear a thing. Just ask a deaf person—but ask them with your fingers.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I oft go to a loft aloft in the sky. I go alone, because I enjoy the company of a lofty intellect.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Going to bed at sunrise, I find a blindfold helps me sleep. Also, I like it when my kidnappers put pillows in the trunk.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

As an extreme method of saving, I’d kidnap myself, if I thought I’d actually pay the ransom money before I committed suicide.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal?

This Book is Not FOR SALE