People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to blankets. –Cap’n Kintz
A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage people from opening it up.
A blanket could be used to distribute ice cream to dyslexics. Blankets are cold and ice cream needs to be kept warm, right?
A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more to drink.
A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.
A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.
A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the Wrath of God.
A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just trying it again and again until you get the desired results.
A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.
A haunted house could be used like a Band-Aid to stop a bleeding brick. But why stop the bleeding? Stab it a few more times and then sell tickets to the spectacle.
There’s an article about Chicago closing dozens of schools and I should probably read it because it seems important and relevant—but to be honest, the headline about the professor in Florida telling students to 'stomp on Jesus' has really got my ...
It seemed to Rosa Lublin that the whole peninsula of Florida was weighted down with regret. Everyone had left behind a real life. Here they had nothing. They were all scarecrows, blown about under the murdering sunball with empty ribcages.
I was eight when I moved to Florida, and I thought, “Oh great, the retirement capital of the world. I’ll be dead within a decade.
I didn't run into racism until we moved to Nassau when I was ten and a half, but it was vastly different from the kind of horrendous oppression that black people in Miami were under when I moved there at 15. I found Florida an antihuman place.
I am thrilled to return as Honorary Captain of the GREEKs for HBCUs Team. I reflect fondly on my days at Florida A&M University, and how visible and active all of the sororities and fraternities were. Membership in Black Greek letter organizations on...
The Florida peninsula is, in fact, an emerging plateau, honeycombed with voids and vents, caves and underground waterways. Travelers on Interstate Highway I-75 have no idea that, beneath them, are cave labyrinths still being mapped by speleologists -...
It is a fact that scientists have deposited dye in certain lakes around Orlando and tracked the effluent to Florida Bay. There is a lake near Everglades City, Deep Lake, and large tarpon show up in that lake, 30 miles from the sea.
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels li...
When I'm not working, I love going to the beach. I am from Florida, so I definitely love the beach life. I love horse-back riding. Just to go out to a barn, it's fun. It's kind of like a get-away from the city. And also, I love animals.
I knew I was the second-best tennis player in the state of Florida and No. 8 in the United States of America when I was 12 years old and I couldn't tell you what I was in baseball, but I liked my chances in tennis of getting a scholarship to college.
Well, I would never admit to copying Karl Rove's play book, but there's no doubt that what the Bush people did in 2004 was impressive. They had neighbors talking to neighbors. They did a remarkable job increasing Republican turnout in states like Ohi...
