I want to possess enough courage to fill a Campbell’s soup can. And then I want to use my courage to feed the homeless. Isn’t courage not only filling, but delicious?
Give a man a fish and a kettle, and he may never feel its HIS kettle of fish. Teach a man to fish around for his OWN kettle, and that’s when you get a tasty home-made fish soup that everyone can enjoy!
Even the best cook can’t make chicken soup out of his own feet. There aren’t so terribly many ingredients in anyone’s life, less meat than there is on a sparrow. The average person could come up with at most two good novels. Many who think very...
But why is it that if you imagine a baby who smells of milk, for example, you can't help smiling? Why is there such an agreement around the world about what is or isn't a foul smell? Who decided what smells bad? Is it impossible that somewhere in thi...
After listening to a lot of these stories, I began to think that American loneliness is a completely different creature from anything we experience in this country, and it made me glad I was born Japanese. The type of loneliness where you need to kee...
They needed a reason why a little kid would commit murder, someone or something to point the finger at, and I think they were relieved when they hit upon horror movies as the culprit. But there's no reason a child commits murder, just as there's no r...
If you share your soup, I’ll share my wisdom. I brought a spoon, but did you bring a pen? How are you going to take notes, you fool!
I am one of those lucky marvels whose husband has banned them from the kitchen, the last and now permanent ban was during an Everton Three (door slamming on hand) when he’d lamented, in a crazed manner to no one in particular after my failed tomato...
A new poll found that 84% of American people were disgusted by Congress, and my only thought is, Are 16% of Americans insane? If they’re not disgusted, they should eat a bowl of vomit soup. It’s fresh, as I just made it after reading the latest p...
When trying to find the words to tell her how much I loved her, I stumbled across the ingredients for grilled cheese sandwiches. That’s when I realized she was the melted cheese to my toast. And the guy she’s currently seeing, the guy she left me...
I had a dream about you. I’d just invented a meltless popsicle, and you’d just created melted ice cream in a can—as a substitute for soup. You looked at me as if I was some sort of creep, and I looked at you through binoculars, while sitting in...
Liesel Meminger: Did he take away your mother? Max Vandenburg: Probably. Liesel Meminger: Don't worry... I cried a lot when I first came too. [pause] Liesel Meminger: The soup is terrible, isn't it? Max Vandenburg: You may find this hard to believe, ...
Minister of Finance: Here is the Treasury Department's report, sir. I hope you'll find it clear. Rufus T. Firefly: Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. [to Bob Roland] Rufus T. Firefly: Run out and find me a four-year-o...
Rufus T. Firefly: Take a letter. Bob Roland: Who to? Rufus T. Firefly: To my dentist. [Roland writes out the following] Rufus T. Firefly: Uh... Dear dentist, enclosed find check for $500, yours very truly. Send that off immediately. Bob Roland: I'll,...
Bob Roland: Message from the front, sir. Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I'm sick of messages from the front. Don't we ever get a message from the side? - What is it? Bob Roland: General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do. Rufus T. Firefly...
Rufus T. Firefly: [into radio] This is Rufus T. Firefly coming to you through the courtesy of the enemy. We're in a mess folks, we're in a mess. Rush to Freedonia! Three men and one woman are trapped in a building! Send help at once! If you can't sen...
Rufus T. Firefly: Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have? Chicolini: Well, I tell you what I think, I think we should have a standing army. Rufus T. Firefly: Why should we have a standing army? Chicolini:...
Chicolini: Mister you no understand. Look, he's a spy and I'm a spy, he work-a for me. I want him to find out-a something, but he no find out what I wanna find out. Now how am I gonna find out what I wanna find out if he no find out what I gotta find...
Freedonia's Secretary of War: How about taking up the tax? Rufus T. Firefly: How 'bout taking up the carpet? Freedonia's Secretary of War: I still insist we must take up the tax. Rufus T. Firefly: He's right, you've gotta take up the tacks before you...
Rufus T. Firefly: Lieutenant, why weren't the original indictment papers placed in my portfolio? Bob Roland: Why, uh, I didn't think those papers were important at this time, your excellency. Rufus T. Firefly: You didn't think they were important? Do...
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, uh, I suppose you would think me a sentimental old fluff, but, uh, would you mind giving me lock of your hair? Mrs. Teasdale: A lock of my hair? Wh-why, I had no idea. Rufus T. Firefly: I'm letting you off easy: I was going to a...
