Quotes of: Some Keyword

My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The judge said he was going to throw the book at me. I hoped it was an ebook in the cloud, and not a heavy dictionary.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Crying about the economy is a strategy. It won’t get you a job, but it will keep Kleenex in business.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

My cat’s name is Mr. Dog, and My penis’ name is Mr. Beaver. Ah, but that’s life, no?

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

My name is Meow. At least that’s what my cat calls me. But you can call me after nine.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Helping others without anticipating or expecting others to help you in return, that is the path to spiritual prosperity.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I’m in the Just Under A Decade club. That’s how long it took me to get a four-year degree.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The only thing better than word of mouth is words of mouth. Give me at least two words.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The pros and cons of being a criminal: Pros—are cons that haven’t been caught. Cons—are former pros that made a mistake.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I’m a dyslexic dancer. Instead of leading the women, I follow. Quick, cab driver, follow that woman!

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

My name is Mr. Murderedscott. But if you want to know what happened to Scott, I didn’t kill him.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I am the melted cheese of desire. Please, feel free to double dip.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law schools.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Necessity is the mother of invention. She’s also my mother, though Invention and I have different dads.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I had a great view of the sunset. At least until father went and changed the channel. Dammit, dad!

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

A flower blooms in my heart. You may call that love, but I call it water conservation.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The best part about vomiting is that right after you do, you can continue eating.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

At the Peabody Hotel, you’ll find two things: a pea and a body. Was it murder by starvation? Come spend the night and decide for yourself. 

99 Cents For Some Nonsense