Silence is wittier than any jest. Thou wanteth to express thy feelings with eloquence and grace? Drop thy jaw boldly and beautifully. There, thou’rt starting to get it. But hang out thy tongue more. Let the drool strands drip down thy chin and give...
I’ve long believed that for an award to gain prestige, all it takes is having one famous person win it—even if that one person doesn’t know about the award or the fact that they’ve won it. That’s why last year’s “Albatross Harbor’s Ma...
I never got to take Agatha to the prom. I never took anybody. At the time I was OK with going alone, but now it pisses me off. Since even Sam said no to me, and Sam was the school’s only hermaphrodite, I decided to wear a tuxedo dress. I was prepar...
I design, manufacture, distribute, and sell elevator buttons. I specialize in the fourth floor. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m such a good salesman that I could sell one of my fourth-floor elevator buttons to the owner of a three-story buildin...
Oh, there are so many ways to categorize and catalogue things. Alphabetically, numerically, by date, weight, height, color, monetary value, sentimental value, or by Orafoura’s spiritual index. For me, I order things to subdue the overwhelming feeli...
For me- and for everybody else, probably- this is my first experience growing old, and the emotions I'm having, too, are all first-time feelings. If it were something I'd experienced before, then I'd be able to understand it more clearly, but this is...
A person who talks about his inferiors hasn't any.
Be sure to have a controversial opinion, and men will talk about you.
Talking about bulls is altogether different from being in the arena.
When you are talking about marriage, think about your mother.
When a merchant talks about sheep he means the hide.
Beat a Chinese long enough and he will talk Tibetan.
Talking without thinking is like shooting without taking aim.
As small as a world as large as alone.
Usually my ideas are small.
I'm 6'2 and not a small person.
Big challenges are an accumulation of small challenges.
Talk radio has made an enormous run around establishment media. But the Internet is making an end run around talk radio. Suddenly we're faced with an information age.
The dialogue between client and architect is about as intimate as any conversation you can have, because when you're talking about building a house, you're talking about dreams.
There can never be too much loving kindness or chesed.
Sometimes talking to you is like talking to myself: pretty damned annoying.
