I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again, night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.
Sometimes I'm so tired, I look down at what I'm wearing, and if it's comfortable enough to sleep in, I don't even make it into my pajamas. I'm looking down, and I'm like, 'T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that's fine. It's pajama-y, good night.'
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
I'm doing a lot of stand-up, but not like when you're living in New York and you can do three sets a night and it's your life, and you sleep all day and you wake up and you eat with a bunch of other comics and then get ready for the night.
I've been invited to the White House about five times. I think the greatest thing would be if they actually invited everybody to the White House every night... they'd just take about 500 people a night. Everybody would just love this country because ...
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.
When I was in college, I would go out, and I would go to these open mic nights at Stitches and Nick's Comedy Stop, so I was going to classes during the day, and then at night, I would be signing up on the lists.
'The Stand' came out in May of '94 and was seen by 60 million people a night for four nights, and then two months later, 'Forrest Gump' opened. So within a very short time, I went from being depressed about not getting any work to being in two of the...
Ed: No matter what disasters may occur in other parts of the world... or whatever petty little problems arise in Atlanta... no one can find us up here. Good night, Lewis.
Lord Robert: Marry me. Elizabeth: On a night such as this, could any woman say no? Lord Robert: On a night such as this, could a queen say no? Elizabeth: Does not a queen sit under the same stars as any other woman?
Fred Friendly: There's no news, boys, so go out there and make some news. Rob a bank, mug an old lady, whatever - just do something.
Edward R. Murrow: Did you know the most trusted man in America is Milton Berle? Fred Friendly: See? You should have worn a dress.
Edward R. Murrow: He's gonna hope a senator trumps a newsman. Fred Friendly: He'll lose. Edward R. Murrow: Not if we're playing bridge.
Fred Friendly: Did you write your closing piece? Edward R. Murrow: It's Shakespeare. Fred Friendly: Uh-huh. Write your closing piece.
Fred Friendly: Shirley, honey, would you go across the street and get the early editions? Shirley Wershba: All of them? Edward R. Murrow: Just get O'Brian.
Shirley Wershba: Name me another wife who reminds her husband to take off his wedding band *before* he goes to the office.
Edward R. Murrow: He was one of those civilized individuals who did not insist upon agreement with his political principals as a precondition for conversation or friendship.
Rachel Cooper: A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit. Neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Wherefore by their fruits, ye shall know them.
[Pearl reaches to touch Powell's switchblade] Rev. Harry Powell: No, no! Don't you touch that, little lamb. Don't touch my knife, that makes me mad. That makes me very, very mad.
Max Bialystock: [on "Springtime For Hitler"] ... It's practically a love-letter to Hitler! Leo Bloom: Wow. This play wouldn't run a NIGHT! Max Bialystock: A night? Are you kidding? This play's guaranteed to close on PAGE FOUR!
I don't know what your childhood was like, but we didn't have much money. We'd go to a movie on a Saturday night, then on Wednesday night my parents would walk us over to the library. It was such a big deal, to go in and get my own book.
