Dr. Will Gruber: We will die, you will live. Will you come to my funeral, John. Sandy: You've gone too far, John didn't ask to be what he is. Dr. Will Gruber: And we did not ask to hear about it...
Dr. Will Gruber: So, you're a caveman? John Oldman: Yes, uh... I *was* a cro-magnon, I think. Dr. Will Gruber: You don't know if you're a caveman or not? John Oldman: [half laughs] No, I'm sure about that.
John Oldman: Bathing was the style until the Middle Ages, and the church told us it was sinful to wash away God's dirt. So people were sewn into their underwear in October, and they popped out in April.
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then? The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king. Large Man with Dead Body: Why? The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Danny: You mean he's piled up a fortune of sixty cows out of her infidelities? Billy Fish: And thirty-two goats. Danny: She ain't a wife, she's a going concern!
Storekeeper: [to Tae-Sik Cha] Kids will learn from their mistakes. Parenting isn't just giving birth. She's always by herself. Bring her around more often, like the other dads. It's on me.
Man Ray: A man in love with a woman from a different era. I see a photograph! Luis Buñuel: I see a film! Gil: I see insurmountable problem! Salvador Dalí: I see rhinoceros!
Reidenschneider: You say he was being blackmailed, by who? You don't know. For having an affair, with who? You don't know. Did anyone else know about it? Probably not, you don't know.
Jacques Carcanogues: [to Ed, after Birdy's audition] I think, one day, she'll make a very good typist. Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. Voila!
Frank: I never want to see another blueberry pie. I never even want to hear those words. Don't say those words Ed! Don't say those words...
Ed Crane: I was turning into Ann Nirdlinger, Big Dave's wife. I had to turn my back on the old lady, on the veils, on the ghosts, on the dead. Before they all sucked me in.
Link Appleyard: As long as he behaves himself in this town, I ain't got no, ah... Ransom Stoddard: Jurisdiction. Link Appleyard: What he said is right. I ain't got none of it.
Link Appleyard: Did you know Liberty Valance is in town tonight? Dutton Peabody: I'd be a poor newspaperman indeed if I didn't know what everybody knows!
Liberty Valance: You got a choice, Dishwasher. Either you get out of town, or tonight you be out on that street alone. You be there, and don't make us come and get you.
Dick Goodwin: [of Charles Van Doren] There's absolutely no need to drag the man into the spotlight. Sandra Goodwin: You dragged Herb Stempel into the spotlight. Dick Goodwin: Stempel? The man has to be dragged from the spotlight with his teeth marks ...
Johnson: Don't mess with Jones, man. He'll make sushi out of you. Kinney: Yeah, you better be careful. Man, I hear Jones is a real shark. Bob Morton: [turns to Kinney] Who asked you, twerp?
Porter: Would you like me to unpack for you, ma'am? P.L. Travers: Young man, if it is your ambition to handle ladies' garments, may I suggest you take employment in a launderette?
Sheila Broflovski: Nooo! [shoots Terrence and Phillip with a gun] Kyle: Holy shit, dude! Sheila Broflovski: Young man, you watch your mouth. [blood oozes out of Phillip's body]
[Erik grabs Shaw's helmet and puts it on] Professor Charles Xavier: Erik, don't do this! Be the better man! If you do this there will be no turning back...! Erik Lehnsherr: Sorry Charles. It's not that I don't trust you...
After my second marriage failed... I said, 'You know, could I have a relationship with a man? A loving relationship with a man that would involve intimacy?' For a while, before I did get into a relationship, I saw, for a few years, either women or me...
[first lines] Man cleaning doorknob: Thirty thousand. Maid: From the Russians? Man cleaning doorknob: No, from the French. From the Russians we capture more than that every day.
