We are like fruitflies, measuring everything in terms of our own lifespan. But since our lifespans are so short, our perspective is entirely wrong. God, who inhabits eternity, sees things differently. He knows that our lives are just a mist. We shoul...
We were in Philadelphia when Manager Pat shifted me from third to short, and right off the bat, I knew I had found my dish. Footwork was more a part of the new position than it had been at third. I suddenly felt I had sprouted wings. A world of new p...
This is why we apply the LCD Principle or Lowest Common Democracy. In short, this is social interaction based not on the best possible good, but on the least possible offense. Without saying so, the parties involved have entered into the following ar...
I took an improv class in 2005 in Chicago at ComedySportz, which was short-form, more of a games-based improv. I remember it being real fun and helping with my stand-up. If I did an improv class, and then I did stand-up later, I felt looser on stage ...
What does the doctrine of American exceptionalism empower the United States to do? Nothing more than to act better than traditional empires - committed to looting and conquest - have done. So that's American exceptionalism: an exceptionalism based on...
I had been writing for the 'Late Show' for about four years when I started writing short stories. I had a blast writing the stories because I was writing in a voice more my own, as opposed to a man's. HBO ended up buying four of them. I think that ha...
First ladies, you know, we look at Michelle Obama, and we look at most first ladies, and they seem like they have it all. You know, they live in the White House, they go to state dinners, they ride on Air Force One, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. But ...
When I was in the Peace Corps I never made a phone call. I was in Central Africa; I didn't make a phone call for two years. I was in Uganda for another four years and I didn't make a phone call. So for six years I didn't make a phone call, but I wrot...
I'm a fan of meeting readers face to face, at reader events, where we're able to sit down and take some time to talk. Too often, at regular book signings, I meet readers who have traveled six or eight hours to see me, and I'm unable to spend more tha...
Roberta: [after showing her weird short film to her art class] That piece is entitled "Mirror, Father, Mirror". I like to show it to people that I'm meeting for the first time because I think it says so much about who I am and what it feels like to i...
Pu Yi, at 15: Where are your ancestors buried? Reginald Fleming 'R.J.' Johnston: In Scotland, your majesty. Pu Yi, at 15: But then, where's your skirt? In your country, men wear short skirts, do they not? Reginald Fleming 'R.J.' Johnston: No, your ma...
Fozziwig: My speech! Here's my Christmas speech. Ahem. "Thank you all, and Merry Christmas." Jacob Marley: That was the speech? Robert Marley: It was dumb! Jacob Marley: It was obvious! Robert Marley: It was pointless! Jacob Marley: It was... short! ...
[Joe counts the tip and finds it is a buck short] Joe: Hey, who didn't throw in? Mr. Orange: Mr. Pink. Joe: Mr. Pink? Why not? Mr. Orange: He don't tip. Joe: He don't tip? Whaddaya mean you don't tip? Mr. Orange: He don't believe in it. Joe: Shut up!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: My fellow scienti... Audience: Ssssssssssssssss! Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: ...tists - and neurosurgeons, ladies and gentlemen. A few short weeks ago, coming from a background, believe me, as conservative and traditionall...
Xerxes: Come Leonidas, let us reason together. It would be a regrettable waste. It would be nothing short of madness for you, brave king, and your valiant troops to perish. All because of a simple misunderstanding. There is much our cultures could sh...
Jack Swigert: [about to turn power back on in the capsule] Ken, there's an awful lot of condensation on these panels. What's the story of them shorting out? Ken Mattingly: Umm... We'll just have to take that one at a time, Jack. Jack Swigert: [to him...
I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his bo...
Have we ever wondered a mothers silent cries? Her struggles, her fears and her worries? Do we ever have time for this in our busy lives? Have we ever thought of the sacrifices she has done in order to make our lives happier, and her dreams cut short ...
The world looks very different to me now at twenty. I have outgrown my early opinions and ideals with my short dresses, just as Mrs. Walton said we would. Now the critics can say 'Thou waitest till thy woman's fingers wrought the best that lay within...
North," said the face beneath the sheet. "I belong to the National Association of Broadcasting Employees and Technicians. If you wake me up before I've slept twelve hours, I get paid short turnaround." "But Rose--" "If you wake me up before seven hou...
We should be proud of our country when we have done something to be proud of, when we have lived up to our own standards. But the flip side of genuine pride is being able to recognize when we have fallen short, and to hold ourselves to account.
