My asshole smells like a bookstore. So, are you a big reader?
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousThe problem with ebooks is you can’t get booger smears on the pages.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousNot only am I not my dad’s favorite child—I’m his only child.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousIf you want to find dirt on me, wait until after I’m dead and buried.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousThe past screams louder than the future. The future is mute, but it’s not deaf.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousI came from a broken home. My bedroom window was cracked.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousGnome money is better than no money, but just by a few feet.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousI’m so lowbrow that I don’t want to grow a unibrow, but I do want to grow a unicycle on my forehead.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousInappropriate interview question #13: Can I call you Kitten Tits?
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousI’ve spent half my life searching for the truth. The left half of my life.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousYou don’t have the shadow volume to sit next to me in the sunshine of truth.
Seriously delirious, but not at all seriousNonsense, this is my home and I must defend it. It’s time for Santa to get serious.
The Super Spud Trilogy