You are like the kid who even cannot understand the different between a kiss on the cheek and a kiss on the lips; simple and devoted unlike the rest of the world.
I read somewhere that when you're a kid it's people's cruelty that makes you cry, then when you're an adult it's their kindness.
Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.
It's tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!
It’s not until you’re older that you realise how important the things that happened to you when you were a kid are. Even things you only half remember.
I guess you just have to trust your kids, trust that their innate interest in life will win out in the end, don’t you think?
There are tons of kids out there who endure chronic abuse and suffer in silence. They can’t trust anyone, they can’t tell anyone, and they have no idea how to get away from it.
I’m married, honey. My social life consists of work, church, taxiing the kids around and trying to schedule sex with my husband at least once a month.
But kids don't stay with you if you do it right. It's the one job where, the better you are, the more surely you won't be needed in the long run.
I'm glad she left me the kids. I'd be lost without them. Lost and bitter. With them here, I'm only bitter.
You just...you don't take crap from anyone. But not in the fake, rebellious way that most kids do it, like they got something to prove. You're real, and people respect you a lot for that.
I gave my girlfriend a gallon of my semen and a minivan and told her to fill it up with kids. Big mistake! I should have given her a bus.
I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free
I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kidding! I hope you don’t enjoy it at all.
I like seeing little kids in shopping carts. It's good practice for when they turn 18 & have to spend the rest of their lives in jail cells.
I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking.
She wants the kids, the cars, the house, and the white picket fence. I said sure, I can give you a fence.
The headline read, Man Saves Child From Burning House, and I just have to ask: Why did that kid want to burn down the house?
I knew a kid who stuck a knife in the toaster on a few occasions. He learned it hurt. He grew up to be a great electrician.
Childhood is this time of magic and monsters; hoping for one and fearing the other... The worst part of being a kid is discovering which one exists... So, I chose to believe in magic.
Later in July I'm going to be promoting and putting on a boxing show of amateur fighters from July 21st through the 28th where one hundred kids will be fighting and competing with each other to see who's going to be the best.
