Sally Albright: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants. Harry Burns: Ehhhh. I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"? Sally Albright: Yes. They had th...
Laurie Juspeczyk: Do you remember that crazy guy? What did he call himself... Captain Carnage. The one who used to pretend he was a supervillain just so he could get beaten up all the time? Dan Dreiberg: Yeah, he tried that on me once. I just walked ...
Martha: [derogatorily, to George] Hey, swamp! Hey swampy! George: Yes, Martha? Can I get you something? Martha: Ah, well, sure. You can, um, light my cigarette, if you're of a mind to. George: No. There are limits. I mean, a man can put up with only ...
Professor Charles Xavier: Heterochromia was in reference to your eyes which I have to say are stunning. One green, one blue. It's a mutation. It's a very groovy mutation. I've got news for you, Amy. You are a mutant. Co-Ed: First you proposition a gi...
Bai Ling: I don't get it. Were does all that fun get you? If you find the right person, why waste time on the others? Chow Mo Wan: If I find the right person? A man like me has nothing much except free time. That's why I need company. Bai Ling: So pe...
[last lines] Charlie Kaufman: I have to go right home. I know how to finish the script now. It ends with Kaufman driving home after his lunch with Amelia, thinking he knows how to finish the script. Shit, that's voice-over. McKee would not approve. H...
Donald Kaufman: [spying on Susan with binoculars] She's crying. She's at her computer. Charlie Kaufman: This is morally reprehensible. Donald Kaufman: United... to Miami. Eleven... fifty five am tomorrow. I thought she was down with Laroche. Charlie ...
Jeff Bebe: Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n' roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock 'n' roll. Maybe Pete Townshend, but that's okay. Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking... and it's not about money and popular...
Jesse James: Well, Charley, did you hurt your leg? Charley Ford: Yeah, I slipped... I slipped off the roof and I smacked down into a snow bank, like a ton of stupidness. One second I'm screamin', "Woah Nelly!", Next second, poof, I'm neck-deep in sno...
Howard Simons: Did you call the White House press office? Bob Woodward: I went over there; I talked to them. They said Hunt hadn't worked there for three months. Then a PR guy said this weird thing to me. He said, "I am convinced that neither Mr. Col...
Tommy Nettle: No one speaks the fucking lingo out here. You can't say 'pass the biscuit' or 'where's me hand grenade?', they just shrug. Cause they hate us too. I mean, that's the point. We fight in France and the French fucking hate us. Make me Home...
Derek Vinyard: Nigger, you just fucked with the wrong bull! You should've learned your lesson on the fuckin' basketball court! But you fuckin' monkey's never get the message. My father gave me that truck motherfucker! You ever shoot at fireman? You c...
[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone] Elwood: You don't like it? Jake: No I don't like it... [Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open dra...
Emma: Something to say? Adèle: I don't know. Emma: What? Adèle: I wanted to know, when was the first time you tasted... Emma: Tasted a sausage? Adèle: Tasted a girl. Emma: A girl? You mean kiss or taste? Adèle: [chuckles] Kiss. To start with, the...
Barbed-Wire Salesman: I've never seen a man so broken up over a woman. What did he say her name was, Cara, Sara? Older Man on Train 2: Clara. Barbed-Wire Salesman: Clara! Clara Clayton: [Clara's eyes light up and she spins around in her seat] Excuse ...
George: So, what'd I tell ya, Derek? Derek: It's great, but what am I supposed to do with it? George: Sell it. Derek: Jesus Christ, George, I don't see you for two years and you show up on my doorstep with 110 pounds of blow. George: Just fucking sel...
Eddie Adams: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know? Jack Horner: Yeah? Eddie Adams: I was wondering if you had any ideas. Jack Horner: I've got a few, but you tell me. Eddie Adams: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name, I want it so it can cu...
Paul Varjak: You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only...
As a young wife and mother living in a pre-Pinterest world, I used to glue-gun bows and small pieces of minutia together methodically. I was an insomniac proudly penning thank you notes longer than the Declaration of Independence to every person who ...
When people say "Oh wow, you're so lucky" ... I always wonder how they define luck. I can assure you people don't achieve their dreams because their lucky; they work day and night, with little sleep, investing their own money and working extremely ha...
On a second note, though, I have something to say about pain. There are lots of kinds of pain. Pain of smashing your fingers in a car door, pains of loosing a baby, pain of failing a test. But in their own little ways, these pains are all agonizing. ...
