Brian's mother: What star sign is he? Wise Man #2: Capricorn. Brian's mother: Capricorn, eh? What are they like? Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah. Wise Man #1: King of the Jews. Brian's mother: And that's Capricorn, is it? Wise Man #3: ...
Left Door Knocker: Huh. Doesn't want his ring back in his mouth, eh? Can't say I blame him. [Sarah holds the Right Door Knocker's nose so that he has to open his mouth; she stuffs the ring back in and knocks; the door opens] Sarah: Sorry. Right Door ...
[in a drinking game] Gimli: It's the Dwarves that go swimming with little, hairy woman. [he burps] Legolas: I feel something. A slight tingle in my fingers. I think it's affecting me. Gimli: What did I say? He can't hold his liquor. [Gimli passes out...
Zazu: Checking in with the morning report. Mufasa: Fire away. Zazu: Well the buzz from the bees is that the leopards are in a bit of a spot. And the baboons are going ape over this. Of course, the giraffes are acting like they're above it all... The ...
Simon Foster: Come on, Malcolm, he asked me for a personal opinion. Malcolm Tucker: Why didn't you say? He asked you. Fuck, of course, that explains it. If he'd asked you to fucking black up, or to give him your PIN number or to shit yourself, would ...
Jeff Costello: Why say you did not recognize me? Valérie: Why kill Marty? Jeff Costello: I was to be paid. Valérie: What had he done to you? Jeff Costello: Not a thing. I didn't know him. I met him for the first and last time 24 hours ago. [pause] ...
Olive: Do you think there's a Heaven? Frank: Well, it's hard to say, Olive. I don't think anyone knows for sure. Olive: I know, but what do *you* think? Frank: Well... um... uh... Olive: I think there is. Frank: Think I'll get in? Olive: Yeah. Frank:...
Slevin: Listen, I've been hearing that a lot lately... The Rabbi: [interrupting] My father used to say: "The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third t...
[Treebeard is is walking through the fores, carrying Merry and Pippin] Treebeard: I believe you will enjoy this next one, too. It is one of my own compositions. Ahem. 'Beneath the roof of sleeping... leaves and dreams of trees untold, When woodland h...
Merry: [of the Entmoot] It's been going for hours. Pippin: They must have decided something by now. Treebeard: Decided? No, we have just finished saying "Good Morning". Merry: But it's night time already! You can't take forever! Treebeard: Now, don't...
Frankie Dunn: You wouldn't start training to be a ballerina at 31 now, would you? Maggie Fitzgerald: Already been workin' it for three years. Frankie Dunn: And you can't hit a speed bag? What kind of training is that? Maggie Fitzgerald: I never had a...
Tex: You got a girlfriend, Billy? Billy Hayes: Yeah. She was on the plane. [Tex glares at Billy] Billy Hayes: She didn't know anything about it. I didn't want her to. Tex: Lucky girl. Billy Hayes: She used to say I was the lucky one. Tex: Let's hope ...
Sister Anna: Do you ever see the Hand of God in what you do? Creasy: No, not for a long time. Sister Anna: The Bible says, "Do not be over come with evil, but overcome...? Creasy: But overcome evil with good." Creasy: [in spanish] That's Romans Chapt...
Sam: Why do you consider me your enemy? Redford: Because your girlfriend stabbed me in the back with lefty scissors. Sam: She's my wife now. Redford: Congratulations! Sam: Thank you. But I'm saying before that, six weeks ago, from day one, why didn't...
Cowboy: When you see the girl in the picture that was shown to you earlier today, you will say, "this is the girl". The rest of the cast can stay, that's up to you. But the choice for that lead girl is NOT up to you. Now... you will see me one more t...
Chien-Po: [singing] I'm never gonna catch my breath! Yao: Say goodbye to those who knew me! Ling: Boy was I a fool in school for cutting gym! Mushu: [speak-singing] This guy's got her scared to death! Mulan: [singing] Hope he doesn't see right throug...
Young journalist: Everything you say is contradictory. You can't have been in one place and another at the same time. Of all those lives, which one is the right one? Nemo Nobody aged 118: Each of these lives is the right one! Every path is the right ...
Ephraim: First you resign from Mossad, [handing him a document] Ephraim: Your new contract. It says we do not employ you, offer you benefits or pensions or legal aid or medical assistance. It's a contract that there is no contract. Avner: Do I get a ...
[first lines] Santa: 'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If...
Lock: [singing] I say that we take a cannon, aim it at his door, and then, knock three times, and when he answers, Sandy Claws will be no more! Shock: [singing] You're so stupid! Think now! If we blow him up to smithereens, we may lose some pieces! L...
Sheba Hart: This is going to sound sick, but something in me felt... entitled. You know, I've been good all my adult life. I've been a decent wife, a dutiful mother coping with Ben. This voice inside me kept saying "why shouldn't you be bad, why shou...
