I always just wanted to write and maybe direct. I'm really only interested in that. And yet the business that I'm in has forced me into being a salesman - that's the last thing that 17-year-old me would imagine I'd end up being. I'm uncomfortable try...
I never understand when people say, 'Do you do comedy or tragedy?' I don't think they're very much different. They both have to be true, and there isn't a great play in the world that doesn't have funny parts to it - as 'Salesman' does, as 'King Lear...
My wife - to-be and I went to see my father. Only he could answer the two questions before us: Shall we get married now? Shall I begin the practice of law, or continue being the successful wine salesman I had become, working my way through law school...
Arthur Jensen: I started as a salesman, Mr. Beale. I sold sewing machines and automobile parts, hair brushes and electronic equipment. [puts arm around Beale's shoulders] Arthur Jensen: They say I can sell anything. I'd like to try to sell something ...
Sweet Sue: Idiot broads! Here we are, all packed, ready to leave for Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant! Beinstock, I ought to fire you! Beinstock: Me? I'm the manager of t...
I had a dream about you. You were Mickey Mantle, and I was a fireplace without a mantle. I didn’t like baseball, so I kept telling you that you could do something productive with your life, like becoming a Tupperware salesman.
Is this Jimmy Redstone?” the male voice at the other end of the line inquired. I couldn’t identify the voice. I didn’t recognize the number and the used car salesman tone didn’t do anything to reduce my annoyance at being interrupted during b...
look, you know i don't wanna come on ungrateful, but that warren report, you know as well as me, just didn't make it. You know, like they might as well have asked some banana salesman from des moines, who was up in toronto on the big day, if he saw a...
My cat likes to wake me up by licking my armpit. Never before have I had such a romantic alarm clock. It’s true, man, I should have been born Harry Truman. He could have been a memorable deodorant salesman, if he weren’t such a forgettable Presid...
Jeff: I just can't figure it. He went out several times last night in the rain carrying his sample case. Stella: Well, he's a salesman, isn't he? Jeff: Well, what would he be selling at three o'clock in the morning? Stella: Flashlights. Luminous dial...
[after meeting Ricky Fitts for the first time] Angela Hayes: What a freak! And why does he dress like a bible salesman? Jane Burnham: He's just so confident, it can't be real. Angela Hayes: I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me...
I had a dream about you. You were a street vendor selling sidewalks, and I was a roadside bicycle salesman selling two-wheeled dreams to pedestrians. You thought I was hurting your business, and I thought you were a midget. Turns out we were both rig...
I had a dream about you. You were a salesman trying to sell me clothes. I thought you were a genius, because you were naked. I tried to buy some sex, but you said you were all sold out of that. So I bought it off Amazon.com instead.
I had a dream about you. I was a sleeping bag salesman, and you sold insomnia. I tried talking you into selling sex instead, because that way we could sell combo packages. But you said no, because you didn’t want to infringe on your grandma’s sal...
I had a dream about you. You were a smile salesman, and I was in the market for a new grin. When you told me your prices, I thought it was a joke and I started to laugh. Then I realized you’d just given me your product for free, and I walked away w...
[Hub and Garth are getting ready to shoot at a traveling salesman] Walter: Why not see what he's sellin'? Hub: What the hell for? Walter: Well what's the good of having all that money if you're never gonna spend it? Garth: Could be the kid has a poin...
Rusty Griswold: Dad, this is not the car you ordered! Clark: Settle down Russ. Let me handle this. Ed, uh... this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with the C.B. and optional rally fun pack. Ed, the c...
Helen Sinclair: Oh, Julian. Julian Marx. I do plays put on by Balasco, or Sam Harris, not some Yiddish pant salesman turned producer. My ex-husband used to say, "If you're gonna go down, go down with the best of them." Sid Loomis: Which ex-husband? H...
I had a dream about you. You were a sad snowman who couldn’t cry because your eye rain was too cold, and I was a used ice-cream salesman. Hanging out with you was the first time I cuddled with a tri-glob of snow like it was a cat. Fur is more fun t...
I had a dream about you. I was a shoe salesman and you had no feet. I needed to make a sale or I’d be fired, and you needed reliable transportation. I suggested you buy shoes from me and for me, and in return I’d give you a piggyback ride. In the...
The Senator was vulgar, almost illiterate, a public liar easily detected, and in his "ideas" almost idiotic, while his celebrated piety was that of a traveling salesman for church furniture, and his yet more celebrated humor the sly cynicism of a cou...
